Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Ive been seeing this girl at work 4 about 4 months now. She is 19 years old, semi-Rocker (dresses in black but not to an extreme) Cuban American and also my co-worker. The first couple of dates I was playing the shy boy routine and found out that shes the type of person who keeps to herself and really didn't say much. She said that with time she would open up. Long story short I had asked her to be my girl twice and the first time she answered she still needed time to get over her past relationship and the second time bout around the 3rd month and she replied with "I don't know" and I discovered she has problems expressing herself, saying what she feels, and a low self-esteem. She even cried when I hinted nicely that she was immature. And she responded by saying shes not immature and just has problems letting things out.
Now I'll be honest around the end of the first month I could have slept with her. Although, some problems arose I know I could have scored. There was just 1 problem. I fell 4 her. Don't know exactly why but I did. And decided to show her that I wasn't just trying to poke her as she thought (All her supposed previous relationships had been no less than a year).
All is just some background info 4 u. The real question is coming up. She had been asked out by others and always asked me if it were ok. I said ok as long as it were just as friends but let it be known that it bothered me. She didn't go out with none except with another co-worker. The both of them and some of his friends went to the beach one morning and I never knew what happened in detail. This took place in the 3rd month. To my dismay (I tend to c really strong feelings towards a woman bad news, especially if it includes the L word) my feelings 4 her had increased to a point where I was no longer in complete control. We became a bit more distant. While we are co-workers I only c her on the weekends mostly only on Sundays.
It turns out that, that day on the beach, there was some drinking (not saying it was the alcohol) and she sucked off and screwed another co-worker. I found this out recently and have confirmed it with the man himself. Of-course u must know how I felt. We weren't b/f and g/f granted but she had told me she was only seeing me and expected me to do the same.
I know she likes me, cuz she hasn't blown me off, but It is completely obvious that I cannot pursue a serious relationship (1 that I have which to experience) with this female. I've been thinking and believe that I would feel much better if I make it happen and get her in bed. Yes it would be more out of spite even though I do have feelings 4 her (not nearly as strong as b4 though). I have no intention of humiliating her nor having this shared with our nosy co-workers. But I want to transform her to just another woman I slept with on my list.
I assure u my pride cannot allow a serious relationship with her 4 what she did. She is unaware that I know this, but suspects b/c of my comments on facebook (stated as general feelings). Yes I know its a huge hint but I did that on purpose. I regret it now b/c it'll make things harder but I can convince her it was some1 else.
When u give me ur advice please don't only give me the moral perspective. Take into account that I will not harm her. After I sleep with her I will make the transition to friends and I really do think this will make me feel better.
I don't think your plan will hurt her after the way she acted with your co-worker.
Just make sure you don't hurt her... that's the important thing!
Good luck. George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
Speak Your Mind - Share your Thoughts on this Question!
All Advice in the category - Other
Browse our Answer Database- Browse Answers by Question Category
- Browse Answers by Age Group
- Browse Answers by Date of Response
Please read through the advice on this site before you Submit your Own Question! We have thousands of pages of valuable advice that can immediately help you with your situation.