I'm Very Jealous about my Boyfriend
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been dealing with jealousy for what seems a long time now. My boyfriend and I have been going out for exactly seven months now. So many things trigger my jealousy - pretty girls passing by, him talking to girls in class, and such. I know that these things are pretty pathetic, so I have been helping myself by mentally challenging my fear of losing him. I know that it wouldn't be the end of the world (even though it would feel like it for a while) if we broke up.
However, I still can't help but feel this horrible feeling of jealousy. Lately, I have been drowned in feelings of jealousy and fear. I can't stay in a relationship feeling like this, and i have actually thought about breaking up with him. Now that school is starting, I need to concentrate in school and not deal with this pain and depression that jealousy brings to me.
To make matters worse, he is dorming this semester. I know for a fact that at least his friend/roomate will have girls in the dorm room. I know for a fact that there will be girls trying to go in and out of his room. My boyfriend happens to be very friendly and an athlete that knows a lot of girls.
I'm hurting as I'm typing this. I really don't want to go home every night and know that I'm leaving him alone. Maybe if he does anything, I'll never find out and I don't want that to happen. I don't want to torture myself with thoughts. There was a night last semester when he had to stay in the dorms for one night. I called him and there were a lot of girls around talking to him and saying hi. After I hung up the phone, I began to cry and it lasted all the way through the night.
I want to trust him, but after all, all men are dogs, right? It seems like an easy way out: Dump the guy and forget about everyhting. The only problem is that that is not true. I know that if I break up with him just like that, I will regret knowing that I broke up with someone I love just because of instinct and fed jealousy. If I don't break up with him, I'll live in a sea of tortuting thoughts. We have been through so much and I know I'll miss him.
Last time I broke up with someone, I felt the worst pain I've ever had to deal with. I don't want to go through it again. I don't want to be naive and think that he'll be a perfect angel either. We don't have sex and I'm afraid that he'll look for it and find it somewhere else. Everything is at the reach of his hand. I need some serious advice. Please helpme.
Your jealous is definitely destroying your relationship - and if you're this jealous it will destroy EVERY relationship you have. Of course there are girls around! That is how life is, there are girls and boys everywhere. If you're going to worry that your boyfriend is going to jump as soon as he can at any temptation, then what could you do - lock him up in a room and ensure that you are the only girl he ever lays eyes on?
Men are NOT dogs. The vast majority of them stay true to their loved ones even though obviously life is FULL of temptation. The relationships that last are the ones that are full of honesty and trust. If you always worry that he WILL cheat even though he's being true to you, you will end up driving him away because he won't want to deal with the stress.
I have a full course on dealing with jealousy here -
but it sounds like your case is pretty extreme. I would really take the time and talk with a therapist or minister or other person you have access to. Make it an important part of your life, to work through this, just as you would go to a doctor to handle a giant red spot on your arm. This could make or break how you have relationships in life, and that is critical for you to handle.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
Visitor Submitted Responses
Our RomanceClass visitors have chimed in with thoughts on this question and answer. Click on a link below to read what their solutions are!
let him go