I Love my Wife's Sister
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
I'm really confused. See- it goes like this. I'm married and have a wonderful child. My wife's sister is also married, and has three kids. I'm kind of sure that my sister in law is not so happy in her marriage, and being somewhat involved in hearing about her marital "maladies" has made me grown concerned for my sister in law.
The concern though has grown into "feelings" that I have for her. I'm not sure what it is, but I think I am growing to "love" her in more ways than a brother in law and a sister in la should love eachother.
Plain and simple, I think I'm falling in love with my sister in law, as my marriage to my wife is kind of "just there" and I'm doing all I can do as a father to my child.
The thing is this too- proclaiming all this would really cause a stir in our families, lives and kind of forever change things as they are now. I just don't know what to do, and it's not like it's been going on for a little time. It's been more like a year that I hav these feelings.
Any info that is shed would be greatly appreciated.
This sort of thing is actually fairly common. Sisters tend to be relatively alike. So if you like one sister, you'll like the other sisters. You see each other all the time because of family get-togethers. It's "OK" to talk with them a lot because they're family. You're not actually RELATED to them (in any bloodline sense) so it's not like it's "icky" to think about dating them. And if they have problems, they turn to you because you're part of the family. So those emotions grow.
But one of the things about life is that there are ALWAYS temptations out there. If you're unhappy in your relationship then it might not be your sister in law, it might be someone else you turn to.
You really have to focus on your marriage. If you focus elsewhere the marriage can't work. If you focus on the marriage it CAN work. All relationships go through ups and downs, and all relationships get "comfortable" after a while and you might long for the "fun spark" of a new relationship. But you know what? Even if you DID go to the sister, soon SHE would be the old comfortable relationship. And you'd want a fun spark again. And you would be jumping ship again - because now that is your solution to trouble, instead of actually WORKING on the problem!
If you really can't figure out how to get your relationship back on track, talk with a therapist and get some help. But don't just let it linger. You, your wife and your child deserve more than just an "ok drifting life".
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com