How Can I Help Him WANT to Overcome his Jealousy?
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I have been with my boyfriend for a year now. In the beginning things we amazing. Our relationship has grown rather fast and we are both hoping to become engaged very soon. We are on the verge of moving in together but I feel that by doing that his jealousy would get worse. I really don't understand why he is jealous. I am not out and about all the time, if I am not working or at class, I am with him. The only problem is I work for a small business with only 1 other women and about 10 men. When I tell him that I do not talk to the men at work and they don't talk to me, he always assumes I'm lying. He constantly thinks that I lie to him. He says that he doesn't want to trust me because then it won't hurt as bad as if he did. Because he always thinks I am lying, I am constantly wondering if I am lying, even when I really know I am not. He says that through his jealousy he still wants to be with me, but he doesn't think he will ever get over his jealousy because he has always been this way. I really believe it is because he is afraid of being hurt. If he really wanted to, he wouldn't be so jealous. How can I help to WANT to overcome his jealousy? And what else can I do to help him get over it?
Your boyfriend is in a lot of pain. Jealousy hurts a lot. And, as you know, it can disturb an otherwise good relationship.
My sincere advice is to ask (or demand) that he get professional counseling for his problem. From the way you describe him, I don't think you or he can figure this out alone. He's in a hole so deep he needs help getting out.
If he refuses to go (and you may want to go too) then you should seriously rethink your engagement plants otherwise you (and he) will be miserable.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com