How to understand my ex

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Ok. me and my ex had a relationship for 11 years, 5 of that we were married. he wanted a divorce cause he thought i wanted someone else. I did everything in my powers to show him I JUST WANTED HIM ONLY. But anyways. I moved to another town, cause he said we would have a better chance of getting back together. he worked in this town and he moved over here also. when i first moved here he spent the night with me and the day we got our divorce he stayed the night. then he found his own place. now he says he wants to be friends with benifits. that's ok with me cause we have 2 kids and I LOVE HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING. I know he still loves me cause he shows it everyday and sometimes even tells me.
he calls me all the time nomatter what time of the night and he comes over to my house to hang out and we go out to dinner and do stuff with the kids.
there is no one else in my life and i know there is no one in his. it is just me and him.
he says he don't want a relationship right now and to go with the flow cause i have hurt him.. i understand this but he has hurt me more than i have ever thought of hurting him.
HOW IN THE WORLD DO I GET HIM TO COME BACK TO ME AND OUR KIDS????? it has been almost a year since he moved out????
i don't want to date anyone else and he says he don't either?? what do i do and how do i deal with this??? Advice
Ask him what it would take to get him to move back with you.

Listen to each of his statements and also ask how you could deal with each of his problems.

Remind him of the financial benefits of sharing a place and how much easier it is to have a two-parent home. It may be time to cut back some on how much you give him. I imagine you cook him his favorite meals, you sleep with him, do you do his laundry? Clean his place? Maybe not, but you get the idea that it's mostly one-sided. If everything isn't handed to him on a platter, maybe he will think twice about what he is doing.

But first try asking him what it would take to get him back home with you before trying to cut him back.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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