Worried about boyfriend
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I am in a relationship with the love of my life, but I am insecure. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't care about me as much as I care about him.
We have a history. We dated years ago and the outcome of that was that he cheated on me and didn't really seem to care about me in general. As friends, yes, but I suppose he wasn't "ready for a relationship" as they say.
Fast forward a few years and we are now together again. This time is a little different. We exchange "I love you"'s, he introduced me to his family, and I've even cheated on him too (I believe it stems from the idea that he did it to me so it's okay if I do it) but he has taken me back anyways.
Now, I have no intentions of being unfaithful again, but I still have a problem - I am worried that he will. What do I do to get past this? When I cheated on him, I actually saw him cry and nothing could explain how horrible I felt but honestly I also felt a little relieved too, because I actually knew that he cared. I'm assuming as retaliation to this, he emailed the girl that he had cheated on me with years ago. I snooped and found this, and we broke up. He cried. I cried. Then he spent a bunch of money to come see me where I was visiting and give me a letter telling me how sorry I was. Obviously I was reminded again how much he cared.
It sounds like he's perfect, right? It should be apparent that he cares.. But there are things that make me think he doesn't. For instance, we didn't do anything on Valentine's day. I spent a lot of time making him what I thought was an awesome gift and got nothing in return. That hurt alot. And sometimes when his best friend is around (it is a she, not a he, so it's not because "he's around the guys") he completely ignores me - if I try to talk to him he barely even replies.
We are long distance now. He says he feels "weird" talking about how we miss eachother or how much we love eachother on the phone, but as a woman I *need* that. I tell him this and he says he will try but he doesn't. So, our phone conversations consist of him telling me what he did that day and because I don't do much (I don't know anybody here) I get insecure and all I want to talk about is when we will be together again, which is another topic he doesn't like to talk about. I mean, in a long distance relationship, don't you need to talk about that to keep meaning to it?
So those are my issues. I don't feel that he cares about me as muc has I care for him and I am afraid he is going to be unfaithful. How do I cope?
Coping with worries and fears is very difficult long distance.
As you said, you need reasssurances of love and getting back together again.
For some reason he doesn't feel the same way. That and the Valentine's Day incident and his ignoring you when with his female friend.
Try using email to explain again how you feel. Perhaps he will have time to think things over before getting upset like he does on the phone. It's worth a shot anyhow. Don't make the email so long that he tunes out. List things 1,2,3 and give a brief description of each of your concerns. Tell him you are going to send it so it doesn't seem threatening.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com