How do you stop loving someone just like a snap of your fingers??..Confused and lost
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Hello, my boyfriend and i had dated for what would have been five months on feb 28. In december he was going to propose to me but got cold feet.. (i wasnt supposed to know) Our relationship was great.. We moved in together way to fast i must say after about a month he moved in to my parents house. We also right after that traveled for two months. Kinda took away from our honeymoon stage.. We were really close. Bonded everything. He bought me a car in november. Then we traded it in Janruary which he now has the cars. In janruary he started to lie.. He quit his job,started drinking heavily, and started talking to girls(which he hadnt done since we had been together.). He went out of town with my dad for a week. And when he came back we decided that we were no longer going to live togehter and that we were still going to date but we needed to get to know eachother more. For that week, he kind of stopped calling. He was sick on top of that. He started telling girls that he was single.. THat really hurt on thursday of that week i found out i was six weeks pregnant.. on saturday i had a girl send me a message asking me if him and i were still together becuase they had plans later in the day.. I called him to confront him and he broke up with me... That nite he took the girl out that he plans with and did sexual things with her... Sunday i started signs of a miscarriage.. Went to the hospital, he met me there. We later talked about our relationship... He said that he got tooo close to me too soon and that his feelings were too vulnerable to me. and that it scared him and he shut me out.. That if he does have feelings for me his doesnt want to deal with his emotions, that being single is his safe zone and that he wanted to remain friends. I was devastated. We made plans to hang out on my birthday which was three days later. On valentines day the day before my birthday i spoke with him for a moment and he said we were still hanging out. The next morning my birthday he said im sick i have a hang over make other plans. Now since we broke up he has been on a drinking binge. I have seen him once and he couldnt look me in the eye. He was looking at the ground and everything. I just dont get it, how can you go from being in love with someone to not liking them at all or anything. It hurts so bad, and i love him dearly.. I want to get him back in my arms? I have had a miscarriage, i have had the love of my life break up with me and then a week later i found some courage in me to stay positive. i got my self my own apartment and i got a job... but i still want to know how i can get him back..
You have taken a very good first step by being courageous. Getting your own apartment and job will do wonders for your own sense of well-being, but will also make you look better in his eyes. Keep your chin up and he will be more likely to come back.
There are over 6 1/2 billion people in the world, so it should not be surprising if there are over 1 million breakups. Many of these come with no very good reason except that one or other of the partners becomes unsatisfied with the relationship. You will drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why sometimes. Often the person will not know themselves why they are unsatisfied.
Your ex did give you some reasons so you are better off that some who get no reason at all and are left with no closure.
Keep in mind that he has been on drinking binges and has cheated on you. You may still love him but ask yourself why. Does he make you feel good...? Are you guilty about the way he has changed?
Now that you have your own place, ask him over for his favorite meal and watch a movie. Gradually he may feel good with you again, especially if you are up-beat and secure in yourself.
Here is a good webpage on getting him back:
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com