Cant figure out what to do
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
I ran into my ex Girlfriend about 2 months ago for the first time in 14 months. We had dated very breifly the year before, and everything seemed ok. Then she ended it by ignoring 2 e mails I sent her, and also by ignoring me when I would pass by her in my vehicle by not waving and turning her head away. She made up all kinds of excuses why she did not think we should take it further. Well when I saw her again she seemed happy to see me, however the mere mention of the incident between us from a year ago caused an immediate reaction with her face turning red, and she turning her face away from me. I asked her if everything was cool and she said yes. This woman is extremely shy, and very very bashful. She is 29 years old.
I asked if we could hang out sometime, and she said yes.
Well it has been 2 months. I am scared to death of her shyness, and I am scared that she will just ignore me again. I need to attempt to call her but I have no idea how to do this. I run a business, I am involved in the community, and I have never faced such a struggle in my life. I love her so much. We have a connection between us going back to before she was born. I want her in my life.
How can I deal with a shy woman. She has few friends, and a father who does not socialize or talk to anyone. I love her to death. I am having a hard time forgetting her, because I think I dont want to forget. I have to make a call at some point. I need to know how to handle this with a SHY person. I mean very shy. She always turns red when she sees me. I need to make peace with this incident in my life now. What can I do to get through this, and come out of it with some dignity left. I know that she seems to like me. I get mixed signals when I talk to her. Very very very MIXED SIGNALS. Do shy people have a tough time making up their minds, and being assertive. Do they have a hard time knowing what to say in these situations. Please help. I am desperate for some answers here!!!!!
I'd say that since she is 29, she is not going to easily change the way she is nor or you going to be able to change her. She really needs to see a professional personal counselor.
Your problem, however, is to figure out to understand her better and learn how to deal with her better.
My advice is to think back to where you had the most fun with her... in other words where she felt most comfortable. Extremely shy people are afraid of other people and of new situations. So perhaps a quiet dinner for two is what she would enjoy. Or a walk in the park or visit to a museum or zoo. Somewhere where there isn't a lot of action or noise, or even a need to talk.
Find what she likes and stick with it.
The fact that she is interacting with you is quite positive and the more you see of her the less frightened she will become with you. As I said, don't expect an amazing turnaround unless she gets treatment.
Since you love her and want her in your life, ignore the mixed signals and act on the positive ones. I wonder why you haven't asked her out? You know how shy she is so you are in the position to take the lead. You don't have to worry about your dignity since the problem is with her not you.
Please take some action and then get back to me, I am curious as to how you will do.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com