He says he is not jealous?
Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
Please edit what is not relevant to the question....I am a 46 yr old divorced American female living in Italy. I met a 45 yr old Italian man a year ago who has never been married and has no children. His reason was because his job moves him around alot and he did not think it would too difficult to create a family. When we met, he asked the usual question about my past etc. We dated occasionally but there was not a declared romance on his side. He would tease me if I brought up the name of a guy in the conversation but then would follow with "he is not jealous" so I believed him and thought that he also meant that we are both at liberty to see/date other people. I just saw him after 6 months (we had been in contact by telephone and text msgs.) and while making love, he asked me when the last time I had made love? I did not want to answer the question as I don't think it is appropriate. So I said "what difference does it make,you are not jealous"? He was very persistent and in the end I replied with the truth (3 months ago and just once). Then he wanted to know his name and if it was good....I was annoyed. I don't understand this kind of reaction and felt like I had done something wrong. Apart from knowing that he liked me by calling etc. he never declared in words any sort of "relationship" but in the end, I feel like a fool. Was he jealous? Why did he say he is not? Should I have lied? Is this a cultural difference?
Confused and waiting....
I'm no expert in the Italian culture. However, I do have preconceptions based on popular culture here in the states regarding Italians. So, with that proviso I will attempt to answer your questions.
My belief is that he is not jealous *for an Italian man.* In other words he is comparing himself to other Italian men and feels that he is not jealous. But, common opinion is that Italian men are very jealous in general. Whether this is true I don't know but I do lean that way.
He was wrong to bring the subject up, especially at that moment. You did the best you could and it is understandable that you were upset and felt put down.
Make it clear to him that his questions are inappropriate except at times and places where you are willing to discuss them... you make the rules not him.
You can also take the opportunity to remind him that you two have no exclusive relationship. Face, after all he is a 45 year old unmarried man so he must have some hangups.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com