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True love isn't the kind that endures through long years of absence, but the kind that endures through long years of propinquity. -- Helen Rowland

How to make him live with me

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I've been going out with this guy for a year 1/2. During the school year, it seems as though we are living together. We spend a lot of time together and have sleep overs in each other's dorm. So, we are both kinda been living together in a way.

Yet, I want to take this step further. We have talked about living together but he is still not sure. He says the reasons why is that he's scared that what if we breakup, he wants his space, and he loves the way we are now and doesn't want to ruin anything that we have and he's not sure if he's ready for that kind of commitment. It doesn't make any sense to me because it already seems like we are living together. Plus, we are going to be in separate rooms in that apartment.

So now, I'm just waiting for him because it's not a 100% no for his part but he is about 70%leaning towards the not living together with me part. He said he really loves me and wants to be with me but not sure if he wants to live with me. We are both 20 years old...am i being irrational here? Is there a way to make him say yes? I tried the ultimatum on him, didn't work. I tried to push him to live me, didn't work either....what would?

RomanceClass.com Advice
My advice is to back off.

He has given you four good reasons for not living together now. It seems he has given it plenty of thought and has come close to making up his mind for sure. You have even pressured him and tried an ultimatum which did not work.

The only thought I have is for you to make it clear to him what it would be like living together. In other words day-to-day things like who cleans, who cooks, how you get to and from the apartment to school. Also, if he loves pets then this would be a way to have one. If he doesn't want a pet then make it clear there will be none. Have you figured out the finances with him?

There is really no way to "make him say yes" in a meaningful way.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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