Long distance relationship - communication issues
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
For the past 8 months I have been emailing and talking on the phone to a guy that lives 2700 hundred miles away, we knew each other as kids and haven't seen one another in about 20 years. He camr home for Christmas, we went out anf really hit off, after that we stayed in touch. He told his mother he really likes me and wants to take thing's further. His mother treats me like a daughter so we can talk.
He came this past July and we went out again, and two day's after he left he called and invited me to California, I accepted, he paid for my plane ticket. We had been flirting on the phone and computer and we realized we missed one another and wanted to spend time and get to know one another better. I think I may have screwed up. This is the problem, I spent four day's with this guy, after the first night of him on the couch, the next night we started fooling around, I told him I couldn't go any further, he said ok, never asking why, but did ask if he could continue doind what he was, I said yes. We did that for 2 nights. I was not on any birth control, and we never talked about sex at all. Also I was taking antideppressant medicine and I know now why I wasn't responding to his touching me, and I haven't been with any one in 2and a half years, and him either.
We are both 40 years old and he is one of those hard to find guys, old fashioned. I have not heard from him in one month. His mother thinks he may have felt rejected my me and maybe that I didn't find him desirable, or he could'nt please me. I will not call him because I feel hurt and that we should be able to talk about things. I sent him a letter last week to express my feelings and try to make him feel a little more comfortable about the intimate thing that maybe he will call me. That is the only thng I can think of that went wrong.So I am hoping the letter to him will help me get thing's back on track with him. He is a wonder ful guy and we like each other alot. Can you PLEASE give me some advice, was the letter maybe a good way to open thing's up? We are both shy especially since we are just starting out. Sorry this is so long.
Well on one hand you want to communicate a lot, and on the other hand you refuse to communicate with him!! Becoming intimate is always stressful for both people involved and there is a lot of fear of rejection. But if you both communicate regularly, you can easily get through them all. The problem is that both of you retreated into your shells and stopped talking! Why is that, if you were talking so well before?
Call him up. Talk to him on the phone. If you can't talk honestly something relatively trivial like confusion over cuddling, how would you deal with much more serious issues that could come up in the future. You have to learn how to communicate fully and openly about your fears and desires, and this is the perfect place to start. Your relationship should be based on openness and honesty, not on worry about what the other person might think.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com