what to do next?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
i'm 22 years old. i've known a girl who lives about 1,000 miles away since i was 17. i met her online in a music chat room. we both had similar interest and really hit it off so we began talking a lot and eventually exchanged phone numbers and i flew to meet her in person. We kept the friendship going after meeting and spent time in person again a couple years later when she came to my city. After a couple years of talking to her i developed feelings for her even though that was the last thing i ever wanted or expected. I brought it up to her briefly and she said she felt the same way.. we both just thought the other person would be really nice to be with. Nothing serious at this point. As time went by my feelings for her got stronger. I brought it up again but at the time she was seeing someone and we pretty much just left it at the thought that it would be pointless not to look around and see other people since there was nothing we could do about it at the time anyways with the distance and our age and everything. When she came out to my city she was single. We spent a lot more time together this time, going out to dinner, etc. I knew i would regret it and always ask myself "what if" if i didn't talk to her about it again. So i had to tell her. I told her i was serious about her and this time she claimed she never remembered talking about anything other than friendship. I have no idea what to make of this, she has to be b.s.ing cause thats just not something you forget. We talked a few times after she went back home but then all of a sudden she just kinda disappeared. I've sent her a few e-mails and shes read them but hasn't responded. So i have no idea what to do. I really care about this girl a lot and it kills me to think she doesn't wanna talk anymore. Is there any advice you can give me? on what to say to her or anything? Deep down i really think she feels the same as i do but is nervous or something of commitment or something like that.. i don't know. The person i got to know over the years was nothing short of amazing. But shes not the same person as of late.. i don't know what her deal is. Like i said, deep down i truly believe she feels the same way but she is definitely uncertain of something. I just wish she'd trust me and trust herself and give it a shot. I know i'm still pretty young but i'm not stupid. What i feel for her is the beginning of love without a doubt. There's a 50/50 chance i could be moving to her city for employment reasons.. kind of ironic that it might happen while we aren't really talking huh? Anyways i know the only thing to do probably is see if she responds but i'm just curious what your take on it is. I have no idea what to think.
Long distance romances are typically troublesome for communications.
This appears to be what happened to you. You thought you were more than friends and she thought you were just friends. And you think that deep down she feels the same way about you. You described your feelings for her as "the beginning of love." Perhaps she senses that you don't actually love her and she isn't willing to commit until you tell her you love her.
Of course you should say you love her if you don't. But, think hard about it.
Five years is a LONG time for a LDR to continue. It isn't surprising if one partner drifts away. My guess is you should move there or ask her opinion of moving there. If you don't move there the chances of your relationship lasting is probably next to none. How much do you care about her, really?
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com