She Left Me, Now What?

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My girlfriend left me after 10 mnths. It's only been a week. Her reason was she doesn't feel intimate with (sex) anymore. There is no other guy. She changed sexually. I could see it coming. She was pushing me away for the last month. I treated her like gold, spoiled her. I did so much for that girl. I was there so many times.

Her family and friends are upset at her for doing this. She has a son that I am so close to. I'm like a father to him. She was my best friend then turned to lovers then turned into a couple. She didn't want a boyfriend at first but she fell in love with me. She says I'm irreplaceable!

I am not the only one who is hurting, she is at war with her family and she is going through money problems. I was nice(dumb) to lend her $7000. Don't laugh. She can't do it with out me...I'm just waiting for her to come back...but she might not come back at all. I still plan to be in her son's life. I can't leave him. He needs me.

She is so confused, I don't return her calls because she needs to miss me. She is only calling to see how I'm doing. I can't wait around but I know no one can make her happy like I did...she told me that. She feels so bad because she knows she's losing her best friend. I know people break up and get back together. I'm 30 and she is 26.

She tells me she misses me and loves me but she still feels un-sexual. She has to come to me...I miss her ...what happend? She says she still is attracted to me. Advice
Obviously something was seriously wrong if she broke up with you and I doubt it was just a vague feeling that she didn't want sex. She is still attracted to you after all. You might feel you treated her like a princess, but she was missing something in her life. It sounds like you guys weren't communicating well if she left without you knowing what that was.

Do NOT play mind games with her like "Ha ha miss me and you'll come back"!! A relationship should always be about two best friends who support each other and care for each other. It is NOT about people who actively hurt each other to teach them a lesson. You should be sitting down with her and really talking about things and finding out what is wrong, and finding solutions. Talk with a therapist if it's too confusing to talk just with each other. But somehow the real reasons have to come out - and then you have to find solutions. Otherwise if you get together it'll just happen all over again, because the real problem never got solved.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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