how can we get back to good??
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
When my boyfriend and I met, we had the time of our lives. He was sweet, genuinely caring and we had soo much fun together. We really got to know each other on a very deep level and I thought that I had finally found my match. It sounds cheesey, but I really want to be a better person because of him. And he says that I treat him better and make him happier than anyone thats ever been in his life. All of his friends and family love me and all of mine love him. We have so much in common and enjoy every minute together.
We never fought until his ex came into the picture. There were other girls that wanted him, but she was his first, and pretty much only other love. I never felt insecure about any other girls until her. She was his friend for 12ish years and she has a daughter so they were like a family. He told me stories from our first date on about his insecurities because of how she treated him. He helped her with problems from her ex husband and with anything she was involved with, he would come to her rescue. But she was ungrateful and terrible to him. She called him names and told him he was a terrible lover and fat and all kinds of nasty things. She even kicked him physically out of bed! Then one day she just told him that she changed her mind and didnt love him any more and went after one of his good friends, fluanting it right in front of him.
One day him and I were cuddling on the couch before his band practice and there was a knock at the door. She knew we were there at that time and decided to make herself known to me. She was really fake and told him how happy she was for him and us. Then four days later she said she still loved him and she wanted him back. As happy as I was that he was honest with me about it, he never told her to back off. She called and texted all the time and popped over anytime she wanted. She even came over while I was there one time in the middle of the night!
My bf and I had little scuffles every time she would pop up and one day it just escilated and we had one huge argument. Its never been the same since. He says she told him that she isnt going to try to break us up any more. They had a talk about it and remained friends. Many nights and days of talking things out and crying has ensued. And he doesnt touch me or kiss me. Its gotten to the point at which he doesnt tell me he loves me unless I say it first. On our last conversation he told me he wants to figure out what he wants to do, on whether he wants us to stay together, because we're not happy. He feels like I dont trust him. Which was never the case. I just dont like her and I will never think she is trying to be a good person. I'll always feel like she ruined our innocense and he thinks I'm just being jealous.
1. Am I wrong in not giving her the benefit of the doubt? Am I wrong for thinking he shouldnt either?
2. What can I do to make things better for us?
3. How can I make him realise how much I still love him?
4. Is there hope for us to get back to good?
1. You are not wrong. She deserves no benefit of the doubt. He shouldn't trust her either. He should stay away from her.
2. Convince him to stay away from her. Treat him as sweet as apple pie. Make nice dinners for him and dress sexy for him.
3. See #2.
4. It depends on how well you can talk with him and gently explain how you feel and encourage him to express his feelings. In a loving way.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com