My wifes best friend is a guy

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Im in the military and havnt been married that long. She lives like 1900 miles away. After we got married i come to find out that one of her best friends is a guy, she dated him a couple of times back before i met her, she claims that they never kissed or had a serious relationship. But I feel that there was somekind of attraction at one time other wise they wouldnt have went out. She goes to clubs with him and wathces his dog when he goes to work. He bought her a phone for christmas ( I made her give it back) and pizza for her family at one time. I love her very much and I have since resolved the problem with them talking all the time and going out together. But she still brings up the fact that i dont trust her, its not that i dont trust her its that im a guy and i know how guys think. I think he liked her and was still trying to get her "you want what you cant have". Was i right for breaking them two apart should i have been so concerned about him hanging with my wife all the time? Or should i have let it play out and see what happened. Also she keeps wanting me to meet him or talk on the phone with him three way and that everything will be cool when i do. But i already dislike the guy. Advice
I once knew a couple where the guy trusted his wife of about twenty years to do pretty much what she wanted (not including romance with another guy.) He let her drive with a guy best friend about 800 miles to a wedding where they were sleeping in the same room for several days. Since she and I had already fallen in love, I had to trust her too...which I did. Well there's the problem, she could be trusted with this one guy but not with me. (He eventually found out about us--this happened a while back.)

You really have no choice but to trust her. If you hold her too tight she might pull away from you and be attracted to her friend. If she thinks you don't care, the same could happen.

So, I think you are playing it right. Just don't be too restrictive. It might be difficult for you to do, but maybe you should have the three way phone call. It the other guy knows you better he will be less likely to try to make a move on her.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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He didn't get upset

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