i can't trust my boyfriend
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I'VE BEEN WITH MY BOYFRIEND FOR OVER A YEAR AND I THOUGHT WE HAD THE PERFECT RELATIONSHIP, i REALLY THINK HE IS MY SOULMATE, WE LIKE THE SAME THINGS AND I LOVE BEING WITH HIM, I'M 27 HE'S 24. HE KNOWS I HAD BAD RELATIONSHIPS BEFORE AND GOT HURT AND HE ALWAYS MADE ME CONFIDENT HE WOULD NEVER HURT ME. I'M QUITE AN INSECURE PERSON BUT I HAD NO REASON TO THINK HE WOULD DO ANYTHING TO HURT MY FEELINGS. THEN A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO I FOUND STASHES OF PORN IN HIS CAR AND IT'S RUINED EVERYTHING. HE KNOWS I'M INSECURE ABOUT MYSELF AND HE KNEW HE WOULD BE HURTING ME BY BUYING THESE DVDS BUT HE STILL DID IT. WE HAD A HEALTHY SEX LIFE SO IT WASN'T LIKE HE NEEDED TO DO THIS. EVERY TIME I LOOK AT HIM NOW I FEEL HURT AND CAN'T FORGET WHAT HE DID, HE TELLS ME NOT TO KEEP BRINGING IT UP AND HE'S SORRY BUT I CAN'T HELP IT. ANY TRUST I HAD IN HIM TO BEGIN WITH HAS GONE AND I REALLY DON'T KNOW IF I CAN GET IT BACK. I WANT TO BE WITH HIM BECAUSE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW I CAN FORGET ABOUT IT. I WANT TO MAKE HIM HURT LIKE I DO BUT I KNOW IT WOULD BE WRONG FOR ME TO DO SOMETHING STUPID. I REALLY WANT THIS RELATIONSHIP TO WORK BUT IT'S BEING DESTROYED A LITTLE MORE EVERY DAY, WHAT CAN I DO?
Forgive and forget and don't think about getting revenge.
Some guys like porn and it has nothing to do with their sex life. It's just the way guys are. That doesn't mean you just ignore it... since it really bothers you make sure he knows that very clearly. You probably already have.
But don't hang onto the hurt or it will just get worse.
Very often this can be solved by just clicking a switch in your brain and saying "it's in the past and won't happen again."
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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