I cheated once and he knows it...Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I am married to a wonderful man for the past 5 years, with him for 9 and we have a 5 yr old son. In the past 9 years, hes cheated on me several different times, each time me forgiving him and moving on. He gained my trust back only this time I broke his. He is out on a deployment right now and 2 months ago told me he is unhappy in our marriage and may need to separate when he comes home. Of course I was devastated, shocked, sick, angry, panic attacks etc, I went to the doctor and was put on Paxil, Ativan and a sleeping pill. Things got better and then they got worse again. Recently I told him I was sick of the back and forth emails and that he had to make a choice, if we were separting we should do it now, I set him free, we were going to see other people, and continue to work on it. After that conversation,mind you I thought we were separated, I made a huge mistake and cheated on him. For the first time ever. I feel so horrible, I told him right away what I had done, why I had done it and all those questions he asked. He still did not give me an answer on a separation, I am right back where I was before only with guilt and pain. Ive wrote him several emails, weve talked on the phone, I apoligzed a million times, begged his forgiveness and swore I wont see anyone else or cheat again. But this is all new to me and comes with other problems between us that drove me to this, out of frustration, anger, pain and betrayal. He does not return home for another 4 months and I dont know what to do or where to turn. Please help me make sense of this!
Stop beating yourself up. He brought up separation and you took him at his word.
You were right to apologize a few times, but unless you are desperate to keep the relationship, don't apologize any more. Just let him know that you want to know where he stands. If you want to stay together just say so.
It is time to look to the future and not worry about the past so much.
Ask him if he cheated on you. It seems strange that he wants to separate from long distance.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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