Shattered dreams??

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I was stationed in N.C. while in the Marine Corps. back in 99-00. I met a girl (who I'll call Jane) who was also in the Corps. and stationed there. "Jane" and I started dating. I'd only been dating her for a little while when I realized there was something about her...something I'd never felt before. I had told other girlfriends that I loved them. (because I honestly thought that I did) But this was the first time that I ever REALLY did. I had never been so completely fulfilled or satisfied with someone in my life. But, the military life is unpredictable. We had only been together for a few months before our orders took us apart. We decided it would be crazy to try to keep things going with the distance and lifestyle we were gonna be up against. (and we were young and dumb)
Anyway, I never forgot her. I didn't exactly think about her every day because we never spoke again after that. But she was always my "what if?". From then on, whenever I met a new girlfriend I always compared them to her. Every once in a while I'd look at my life and try to picture how it would be if we had gotten a second chance. Later on, I wound up in an unsuccessful marriage, throughout which, I often thought about her and how much happier I would've been with her. (which might be why the marriage never had a chance but, who knows?) My marriage fizzled and we decided to separate. Not long after we did, I got a message on my myspace account. It was from "Jane". She wanted to know how I've been. I told her. And then I told her how I never stopped loving her. She said that she felt the same way. And that she had gone through most of the same things over the years. We've started talking regularly and are thinking about trying a relationship even though we are on opposite corners of the country. But here is my problem:
I'm afraid that 8 years of fantasies about getting a second chance with her might've developed an impossible standard that even SHE won't be able to live-up to. (maybe she did too) And if we get together and it doesn't work-out I will have to deal with not only losing the girl-of-my-dreams TWICE but also losing that great fantasy of "The perfect life we would've had if..." that I've been picturing for almost a decade now! Either one would be tough to handle...both might be unbearable... Advice
What would be unbearable is not trying to find out if you still go together.

Think about how you would feel in the future if you don't make an effort now. You would feel rotten.

Meet with her and you should know pretty quickly whether a relationship would work. If things look good, then figure out how to live together or near each other.

It is nice you are getting a second shot at this... most people don't.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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