I'm still in love with her...
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I was dating this girl for a year, and she just recently broke up with me. I'm 21 and she is 17. Just to give a little back ground information on the relationship, I was the first person she every told about her father's sexual abuse. I got her to disclose and now her father is in jail awaiting trial. Afterward, her mom started to act negatively toward our relationship. She tried to do things to please her mom during the relationship, but her mom still argued with her all the time. Her mom even told her that what her father did was partly her fault. I believe, that she was a victim and what her father did wasn't her fault. She was under a lot of pressure because of all the legal stuff, and on top of that her mom fussed at her because of me. When ever she got upset about things her mom said, I was the shoulder she cried on. She told me that she needed space because of all the pressure she was under, which I understand. The last I heard from her, she told me that her mom said if she goes back to me she might as well go ahead and move away. I know she still loves me, but what are my chances of getting her back if she's afraid her mom will kick her out if she does come back? I'm concern about her well-being, because I was one of her biggest supporters. I did everything I could to make the relationship a way for her get away from the pressure, but she was still stressed. I feel like I may have done something to make her mom not like me, but I'm not sure what. I would like to fix things with her mom, but I'm afraid that I can't. I'm afraid that if I can't fix it, I won't be able to get her back after she gets her space. I love her and I don't want her go through anymore suffering than she has already gone through. Will she be okay without me there to support her?
You were right to get the sexual abuse out in the open.
Unfortunately, that is what turned her mother against you. Despite what she might have said, like maybe she said you did the right thing... she is still humiliated in her community, lost her faith in her husband, lost her husband, lost the financial support of her husband.
She is absolutely and horribly wrong to try to blame your girlfriend for what happened. It was a completely wrong thing the father did and nothing can forgive him for what he did.
But getting back to the mother, you are going to have a very, very tough time getting back in good with her. Your girlfriend is really the only way it could happen. She has to tell her mother how important you are to her and how you helped her out from a terrible situation.
Since her mother is such a bad part of this, perhaps you should figure out a way for you two to live together in case she gets kicked out.
Also you might get the two of them to go to their minister for counseling or a family counselor.
I don't like the idea of her living with her mother because the mother is trying to lay some of the blame at her feet and your GF shouldn't have to deal with that kind of guilt-trip.
Sorry you are in this situation. It is a tough one.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com