Should we end things for good?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been dating someone on and off for the past 4 years. We met in high school and from the beginning it wasn’t the most functional relationship. We fought constantly, mostly because he was more into me and was very clingy and unfortunately, I was not very nice to him. I took complete advantage of him because I figured he loved me so much that he would always be around. We had two major breaks over the three years and they ended both times because I wanted to get back with him after he went on a couple dates with other girls.
After the second time this happened, the roles completely reversed. For the first three years, I had the upper hand, and I knew he would always do whatever I asked. I know now how unhealthy that was and how unfair I had been to him. He finally realized he didn’t deserve to be treated that way, but he somehow still cared about me enough to take me back.
However, he had to move far away from me since he's in the military. Things were good at first but then he stopped calling me as much, would get fed up with me very easily, I was always jealous and questioning him and here we were back in the same pattern.
He came back home for a 2 week break right before I was about to begin my last year of college, but we ended up getting in the biggest fight we’d ever had and “ended things for good.” So I went back to school and he moved thousands of miles away to where he will be stationed for the next few years.
Within a day of him leaving, I met someone else. Things were great until my ex called me. I was honest about the other guy right away and my ex said he didn’t want to ruin things for me & he couldn’t talk to me knowing I was with someone else, so again a couple months passed until we both gave in and started talking again.
It was back to the same old thing. As corny as it sounds, my New Years Resolution was to finally stop these games with my ex. I wrote him a long letter explaining that although I love him, I was not going through another year of this & we needed to decide once and for all what was going to happen. He immediately told me to stop seeing other guys. I told him I would but said I still liked the new guy and it would be hard for me to get over him right away. My ex wouldn’t have that and since I don’t want to ever lie to him anymore, we went our separate ways, until he called me to tell me he had hooked up with another girl but she was nothing like me and he cried on the phone for hours explaining how there’s no one else for him and we’re meant to be.
So finally, here’s my question. Should I give it another try? I know I love my ex and I would love for things to work out finally, but I’m just afraid that our dysfunctional history might mean we’ll never have a happy and healthy relationship. I’m also worried that if we end things again now we might never be together again and I don’t want to lose him. Please help and thank you for reading that long explanation.
Since you will live thousands of miles apart for the next few years, my advice is to just be friends until he returns for good.
This will give you the opportunity to discover whether you are meant to be or not. Since you have fought so much, and things right now arent' too good, it is likely that you are meant to be with someone else.
It is unfair to you to sit on your hands for several years waiting around. It is time to let him go except as a friend.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com