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I was trying to get even with him. Now what?

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
This guy i was dating for more than a year. I broke up with him 3x. One was the first 3 months of our relationship which we got back together after an hour. I broke up with him because the relationship wasn't anything serious and I just didn't feel like he's the one. 2nd time I broke up with him was because he was 7 hours drive away from me and we won't be seeing each other over the summer and long distant relationship doesn't appeal to me yet i promised him that we will get back together in the fall once school starts. But during that time, he was sexually flirting with my best friend for 4 years! They didn't touch but just sending sexual flirty text messages and exchanging inappropriate photos of each other. I found out and was hurt but then he was very sorry and i gave him another chance and got back together when school started.

The relationship was never the same anymore. Since after the summer incident, I couldn't trust him...i tried and tried to forgive him but I'm the person who holds grudges. I was never the jealous type until what happened over the summer and i kept on bringing it up everytime i feel the rage of jealousy and he was sorry for everything and cried so many times because he didn't know how to make them up yet he tried....

I ended the relationship for the 3rd time after i found more things that he did over the summer that he hasn't told me and he was sorry once again. We were just best friends/lovers but not in a relationship. I told him that since I love him, i will give him another chance but i need time to heal which will most likely be over the spring. He said he'll wait for me and wants me back.

I wanted to forgive him so badly...i want to make things work out between us and therefore, i got even with him. Unfortunately I think i went overboard. I kissed my other ex, and had sex with him. It felt great to me that i finally got even with this guy and so now i felt like i completely forgive him for what he did to me. And now, i am ready for a good relationship with him.

The problem is....now he doesn't want me back. He was hurt when i told him what i did to get even with him. He said that despite of what he did, he never touched my best friend yet....here i am kissed and slept with my other ex. He said he doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore yet he still wants to be friends.

I was devastated. I can't be friends with him. I will get even more hurt if we hang out just as friends and nothing more and to know he wont take me back is just too painful for me. I regret what i did....to get even with him....i shouldn't have done that. But now...I'm hoping for a second chance with him...is this possible? What should i do?

5 days before spring classes start and i haven't seen him for 3 weeks. We live in the same dorms and i won't be able to avoid him completely. I'm in love with him. Now that i thought that i have forgiven him cuz i got even and i'm finally happy to start a brand new relationship with him, that's when he doesn't want me back. HELP!!!

RomanceClass.com Advice
You two are obviously not made for each other.

There has been nothing but trouble.

My advice is to start over fresh with someone new.

It is unlikely that your ex will take you back but your chance is to be friends with him and hope you gradually grow together again.

Good luck! George
p.s. we limit questions to once a week. Thanks! :)

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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