Cognitive dissonance

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I dated this boy named C back in high school for more than a year. We were in love and went through a very painful breakup. Took me almost 2 years to get over C. We then became friends with benefits a year after we break up because i was going through another breakup with this guy #2. When we had sex regularly, the flame started all over again and I started having these emotional attachment to him. I confronted C and he told me he does not feel the same way. I was hurt once again and we were back in the awkward position.

3 years later after the breakup, we're both in college now and we started talking again...acquaintances. I am going through another breakup with this other guy who cheated on me. C and I hung out twice so far and the first time we hung out, it was wonderful because we were open to each other. Second time we hang out was not too long ago and it was amazing because it felt like we were best friends and I can definitely tell he still cares for me and vice versa. We're in great terms once again.

But...our horniness gave in and we started kissing in my car and doing other things as well. The next day, i couldn't stop thinking about him. I completely forgot i was going through a break up with another guy. I didn't even care for that ex of mine.....i just can't stop thinking about C.

Does this mean all this time, I have never gotten over C? Is this a bad sign to still be in love with him after 3 years and we have not have sex at all and this is what i'm feeling about him? How would I know if he feels the same way w/out confronting him? How would I know if he only wanted to have sex with me and the whole cycle will begin again and i'll get hurt once again by C? HELP! Advice
Your concerns are very valid.

You should have a gentle but direct talk with him and explain how you feel and that you don't want to get hurt again.

If he is a friend and potential boyfriend then he should be willing to answer you honestly.

Three years is a long time to hold a torch for someone. You should figure this out as soon as possible.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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