Don't know whether to hold on or let go
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My girlfriend and I of 3 months recently broke up. We had a one of a kind relationship. We trusted each other , we spent all day in bed, we would call and text each other constantly. We fell in love within our first month. I've never had a really good relationship before, so I became frightened at how vulnerable I became with her. This led me to end it with her. I immediately knew what i did was a mistake and I tried that very night to reconcile. She was obviously confused, she didnt know why I did what I did and why I had started distancing myself in the weeks before. She said she needed time to think. So instead of backing off, I decided that I would show her that I loved her by not pressuring her but by showing her that I was serious. I left flowers on her doorstep with letters admitting my mistakes and telling her that i loved her dearly. After about two weeks , we began communicating more , I had a trip planned and she became open with me and told me that she loved me and wanted to be with me when i got back. We texted and talked when i was away and everything seemed great. Well I missed her so much that i decided to cut my trip short and surprise her. I figured that this would be a romantic gesture. Well she didnt respond well. When I would call she would answer and she wasnt responding to my texts. SO i became worried and my texts started sounding more desperate. All of this lead to a conversation where I asked her finally after 3 weeks, what her decision was. I just wanted to know if hse could committ 100% to trying to forgive me. She said that she loved me and all of the romantic things i'd been doing, but that there was nothing more for me to do. She said that she didnt feel that spark or fire we used to have. So we parted ways for good. I told her that if she ever wanted to try again that i would be here. So my question is , did i smother her? Did i force her into a decision she didnt want to make? Is there a chance for us in the future? If so what should i do now and in the coming months to try and get her back?
Let things go as they are and don't contact her for a month.
Then ask her out for dinner to catch up. If she wants to come back, she will bring up the subject. Whether she does or not, you should ask her if she still feels the way she felt before (no spark.)
Since she lost the spark so fast, there must not have been a true, strong relationship between you. So, it is probably better that this came out sooner than much later when it would hurt more.
If she has no spark then you should leave her behind and look for someone new.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com