A long, long tale of overwhelming teenage love
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Hi there. Okay, first of all i'm 18 years old. I'm going to try and give you the shortest version of this possible! About 2 years ago, I was on aol instant messenger just talking to my friends, when a random guy said hi to me and we began to talk, not about anything in particular just various topics and just things that were going on in eachothers lives. He would give me guy advice and I would give him girl advice. At first it was just we would talk to eachother whenever the other happened to be on. We had exchanged some pictures and at the time I was living in florida and he was living in Michigan. I really thought he was a nice, cute guy, and also liked the fact that we shared a lot of the same morals (were both virgins and want to wait till were really in love or married) so anyways, i thought he was great about 6 months into talking to him but disreguarded the thought of anything ever happening between us because of the distance. So, anyway, this continued on, just talking as good friends, but something about him made me very interested and he wasn't like the typical guys I had previously known, he had respect for girls and knew what he wanted and didn't like leading them on. Which were other traits I liked. So after a year I started having a crush on him, which i know sounds weird since it was just on the computer, but I really started looking at him in a different way other then just a friend. He would occasionally comment how he wished we could meet, but I seemed to change the subject because I seemed to feel a little uncomfortable with that and then we both just shrugged it off and continued like normal. But, I found myself thinking about him more throughtout my day, even when i wasn't talking to him on the computer, and wishing that i could find a guy as great as him in florida. i began to also find myself comparing him to other guys and they never seemed to be able to compare to him, he was just the whole package for me. I still went on occasional dates and so did he, and soon when i would tell him how things went on the dates it would seem different then before, he would ALWAYS (haha) find something wrong with the guy I was with, which made me think that he was a little jealous. Also, whenever he would talk about a girl he was with i couldn't help but feel jealous or think she wasnt good enough for him. This is when I realized how much i really did like him, and i was begining to think he liked me a lot too..but wasn't completely sure yet. We continued to send more pictures and have a lot deeper conversations about everything we were looking for, and i always feel i can tell him anything, which previously with other guys it is extremely hard for me to open up, and i know he dosent normally like to talk much about his feelings, but he does with me. So, all this in mind, about 6 months ago it started to get a lot more serious where we were actually saying to eachother how great it would be to meet and we were thinking if we did maybe it could go further. None of this really meant much till then because of the miles seperating us until he told me that after he finished his 2 years of community college (hes working on his 2nd now) that he is going to move to florida and go to UF because they have a great engineering program, and meanwhile without me telling him yet (at this point I am now in NC) i had just decided that i wanted to move back to FL in may after my 1 year of community college was done here. so we found this whole situation becoming more of a reality, where as we will both be in the same city soon! At this point about 3 months ago, I have just fallen for him big time, i thought about him so much and we was telling me how he has been thinking about me so much too and finalllly we told eachother all the feelings that we had been holding in for so long. meanwhile i never knew but always hoped he was feeling the same way about me. I mean everytime i talk to him he always makes me smile or laugh and totally makes my day great. He confessed to me how no girls where he lives are holding his interest because he keeps wishing he was with me instead of them, which was the same way i was feeling about guys around here. Then, finally, after 2 years of me putting it off or making up excuses he asked if he could call me...let me tell you i was soooooooo nervous, i didnt want to dissapoint him and i didnt want to sound rediculous on the phone, but with much hesitation i knew i had to and really wanted to do it! So he called and the moment i heard his voice i had gotten a feeling in my stomach i have never felt before like butterflys and this excited feeling rushed all over my body, it was amazing! So anyways, we ended up talking on the phone for 3 1/2 hours that night, the longest and BEST conversation i had ever had with anyone, and it just made me like him all the more..he seemed to enjoy himself very much too. (haha). So ever since then we have talked a lot on the phone and the other day when we were on the computer he told me he had something to tell me out of no where. and i was like what? (hoping he was gonna say what i thought he was going to say!) he said i think im falling in love with you.... :) my heart completely felt like it left my body and i got that hard to explain, amazing feeling once again! I couldnt believe he said that because i had been feeling the same way but didnt know how or if i should say it. so at this point i was on cloud nine! (mind u, neither of us have ever been in love, or even ever said those words to another person, so i know how hard it was for him). So i told him i felt the same way and we had another great talk and realized at first we didnt know what this feeling was that we'd been feeling but soon realized it was love. We can never get enough of eachother, we talk everyday, usually a couple times a day, practically know everything about eachother, and the only problem is were not physically with eachother yet because of the distance. He also told me that if he could see himself losing his virginity the only person he would want to lose it to would be with me, he has had plenty of girls want to do it with him, but he never wanted to because he wasnt in love, and same goes for me too. So he told me, when we meet and r together, when we both feel ready he will want to do it with me,but also made it clear he will not ever rush me into anything, and i feel the same way. And i dont want you to think i do sexually things a lot, the farthest i have ever even been is making out, and never could see myself with anyone having sex till i was married, but with him i really want to, because we feel so strongly for eachother. Alright, so anyways, we will both be in Florida in may or june, but before then we are going to try to be in florida for spring break also and spend a week together there. I just want everything to work out, and i'm afraid somehow he might be dissapointed or we wont compare to eachothers expectations, even though hes told me he could never be dissapointed. he seen me millions of times in pictures and on the web cam so i dont think im worried about that, i just hope the chemistry is still all there in person. I will never forget the first time i heard him say i love you on the phone to me, it was the first time a guy has ever told me that before and seriously i couldnt stop smiling, i couldnt sleep and i didnt even have an apetite, i was just sooo happy! He said it so cute too, we were about to hang up after another 3 hour conversation to go to sleep and there was a little pause and i was like are you ok, and hes like yeah, im just trying to figure out if i should say something right now, and im like, say what? and hes like, you know.., im like just say it, and then he said really quietly ( so cute!) i love you, needless to say the smile was stuck on my face for a while, and then i was like im sooo glad u said that i love you too, and he sounded so happy to hear me say that also. Ok, so after allllll that has been said, i really hope you can give me some input about what will/should happen when we meet and how to act, and also help me feel more comfortable and not worry about letting him down in some way! I know this was verrrry long, but i appreciate your help so much and anything you can say with be greatly appreciated! thanks again! :) (also, its very hard to let tell you all the details, and tell exactly ever cute and sweet thing he said, but i just hope you know how wonderful a guy he is, even though this e-mail does not do him justice, and just to know he loves me and i love him, is the greatest!) ok thanks!
OK, first, I know exactly how you feel. So does every woman over the age of 18 :) This is typical "teen love". That's why so many teenagers get married, because this love feels HUGELY powerful, overwhelming, amazing. You can't sleep, you can't eat, you think about him CONSTANTLY. Love does this to you on purpose because your genes are trying to get you married, having babies and continuing the species.
I'm not saying it's not special, I'm saying it's normal :)
But you need to realize that this rush isn't the way love is *long term*. The rush is there for a reason, again, to get you guys deeply connected. But the long term sensation isn't like this. Long term, you are best friends with your partner. You love each other, yes, but it's like the love you feel for say your mom or your dad. It's constant, it's there, but it's not the ONLY thing you think about, it doesn't drive you, you have other friends, you do other things. It's more of a trust and honesty that you build up through years of being with each other, being there for each other through thick and thin. Teen love is a waterfall - powerful and short. Long term love is a lake - even, always there, calm.
One of the good/bad parts about teen love (especially long distance teen love - I've been in your exact same situation) is that you always have good times. Even if you're sad, he's there to cheer you up. But in the real world - say when you move in together - there are ups and downs. He often IS the part that annoys you, and still you have to stay together. So in essence you have the "best part" of the relationship right now. You have to be able to survive the "hard part" of the relationship too before you can really say you're good together. Anyone can be a great soulmate team in a teen love situation ... but it's much harder to be a soulmate when you have to deal with the daily grind of another human being "in your space".
That being said, I'm not trying to depress you :) Enjoy what you have now, it is special and something you look back on forever. But don't expect, when you meet, that "the stars will explode" necessarily. And if they do, don't expect it'll go on forever, because if you do, you'll be very disappointed. If instead you realize that you're in the "starry eyed new love" stage, and that it's one of MANY stages in a long term relationship, you'll enjoy it. And then as you go into the other stages you won't be going "Help! How do I get my RUSH back!!" - you'll be thinking, "Oh, our love is MATURING!" and know that this is normal too.
As far as sex, if you rush into sex while you're still in this starry eyed stage, you might really regret it. There's no rush for sex, you can do it for the rest of your life. But sex is best when it's really deeply connected between two people that have been together for a while. If you just jump into it during that first "Everything is great! We're perfect!" stage, you almost trivialize it, because you're getting into the sexual connection before you've really made the emotional connection solid. Instead, just get immense pleasure from *being* together, holding hands, hugging, etc. Those pleasures can be amazingly strong. Let those become "normal" happy things before you rush into something else. Give yourself time to appreciate each new step.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com