Need Help dont know what to do
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
We've been married 9 years have 4 kids and 6 months ago my wife told me she is not in love with me anymore and wants to go our separate ways. I am no saint and have made mistakes but nothing was done maliciously. Many members of her family can't believe whats going on and don't know what is up with her. All Ive gotten out of her was she is tired of the obligations of being a wife and she feels 24 even though shes 32. for the past 6 months she has been chatting on line with a 22 yr old guy and insists he is just a friend. In a moment of insanity i installed spy software and monitored her chats she has gone as far as to tell this guy shes leaving me and that they exchange I Love Yous and pictures she has even sent pictures of my children... they have also chatted and she tells him he make her feel special and she hasn't felt that in a long time and she has even said she wish he could be with her and last thing i read was he told her about a dream he was going to kiss her and then woke up when he said she would have probable slapped him my wife said no i wouldn't. I dont want my marriage to end but it seems she does she wont consider conseling so what should i do.
Maybe you should let this play itself out. Maybe it is just an early mid-life crisis. It would seem unlikely that she would seriously take up with a 22 year old when she has four children.
Meanwhile, work on yourself. You will feel better if you do and she will notice. Whatever we do to improve ourselves is good. It is "being yourself" to improve, it just takes a reminder now and then as we get set in our ways.
Consider the following areas for improvement: physically (be fit, be clean, be groomed, dress well), emotionally (be open, be affectionate, be communicative), ethically (be honest, be sincere, have integrity), socially (join clubs, party with friends, be close with relatives), intellectually (read the paper, watch the news, read a book) and build up whatever good qualities that make you special.
This is not easy to do and can't be done overnight, but if you slowly work on yourself, you will feel better and others will look at you in a different light.
Good luck! George
p.s. continue to gently suggest that you get counseling.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com