Long distance phone calls issue!
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I need advice for a my relationship.
I live in Montreal and my boyfriend lives in New York. We've been dating now for 6 months and it has been established that things are exclusive and monogamous between us from the very beginning.
This month, he visited me twice for one week and each time and we had a great time. He even met my parents and I met his prior. He's currently in the process of renovations since October, and I hadnt seen him nor in October nor in November. Everything between us is great, the physical the emotionnal except for one thing: He says he's not a phone person and he doesnt contact me on a daily base. He'll call once or twice a week, won't return my calls immediately (although I try not to call more than once, twice maximum) and reply to my text messages either immediately or within the hour or 2 or 3 lol. He tells me he's stressed because of recent developments but that in no way it means he lost interest to be with me. He thinks that he doesnt need to contact me daily to prove how he feels about me or to constantly reassure me. That behavior makes me feel more distant of him and bring doubts although I really do wanna trust him. Only in the early beginning we spoke more often and since September, things have slown down. I told him that and he told me the situation in summer was better for him and that he likes me more now than then, but now he has more issues at hand. (work problems, renovations, family, etc.) Two days ago he wrote me how he was so happy to have met me and how he thinks I'm one of a kind and he gives thanks that I entered his life. It made me feel so good to read such text.
How do I make him call me more often without seeming too needy. I tried to make him understand that I need a daily update not to check up on him but because I care and I am interested in his life and his daily activities. He tells me he's all over the place and he doesnt need to feel obligated to contact me or else...I find it hurtful that he doesnt find time to give me a daily call to see how I am doing and I am used to that kind of communications. I try to avoid repeating myself so I dont come out as a nag. Every time we talk on the phone, he's in a good mood, he tells me he misses me and I'm happy to talk to him, I just need so much more. I feel he's unaivalable and after 6 months expect a daily call, or a good night. When we're together, I dont feel that way because we spend the whole day together and we get along perfectly. It's kinda hard to play hard to get when he's living in another town.
He's supposed to come back with his younger brother (who is moving to Montreal) in January. Everything is perfect between us, but this makes me feel unsatisfied. How do I fix it? Should I be less available? He always tells me how he loves my dependability. It's his birthday today, he's turning 29, and I know he's gonna party tonight, which I dont mind, but let's keep in mind that he's a very sociable person and he has plenty of friends, girls as well. When he was here my ex called and he came off pretty jalous about it. Thus, all this to say, he's pretty sociable, but I know that I am special to him. He tells me and made it clear that if he didnt want to be with me, he wouldnt need to be in a long distance relationship and it's not that hard to break things off. He also told me I'm not a robot, I do have feelings and when I go back I do miss you. I also dined with his family when he was here, and I am taking this relationship seriously but the fact that we dont interact daily with one another makes me feel like maybe things arent that serious afterall. How much more can I be patient?
Impatiently waiting for your advice
If you are unsatisfied with the level of communication, perhaps you should not invest too heavily in this relationship.
All couples have different ways of expressing love and caring. You don't think he is showing it often enough. He seems to be satisfied with the amount of conversation.
As will most things, this requires compromise if possible. Maybe he would be willing to email you daily even if only to say "I love you, sleep tight."
Then when you phone you can go into detail about your lives.
Best Wiahes, George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com