what the hell is my prob???Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
the other day i saw my ex bf he had hurt me alot . about a year and a half ago he cheated i left him , was my first love. i had gotten really attached becuz i had All my firsts with him and still loved him afterward. i thought i was fully over it but a few days later i broke down and cried . there was a point where all my thoughts were on him, then it slowed and i would not be reminded unless i saw the girl he cheated on me with (she works with me)or if i think about sex (havent since him) , kissing, being hurt or being in love. then it stopped .. well almost.yes i did hurt him too but not nearly as much i did little things and sometimes blame myself and wish i could do it over again or not have met him at all. of course we didnt say anything to one another i tried not to look at him but couldnt help but do just that. i felt stupid but upon leaving where i was noticed he was looking at me too at least when i turned away. perhaps this was my imagination. it was weird bcuz i was almost sad /jealous when i saw him standing nxt to another girl but i was happy that my facial expression was blank and he couldnt see any feeling in my face and i didnt cry like i thought i would. he cheated why should i care. anyway after him ive dated but had more bad luck so out of fear dated online aware that i would never truly want to be with these ppl. ive kissed a guy who cared for me a few years before my ex and it was nothing, it didnt click. ok i accept that he just wasnt 'it'. right after i did kiss him i dint linger on the thought but it was soo different fron the way my ex used to kiss i know i would be of course.i still at times like his company at first i thought mayb i was trying not to feel for him but i just dont. for a while i was with a guy who seemed almost perfect and during this time i didnt even think of my ex i wanted him but things didnt work out and im fine with it.what i dont get is how i could fall right back into what i used to do with only seeing him, how could i feel for someone who had hurt me though aware of my love for him, he put another girl above me and respected her more than he did me. after a while i got kind of depressed thinking mayb i just am a person who is ment to be alone , but that cant be true ive soo much to give but i have a hard time finding a person i like or can remain liking.i am completely faithful and honest when im with someone it could be a bad thing,im not good with words or showing affection but i do well i think seems to me the more bad i am the more guys like me . what the hell is my problem? my worst fear is being made a fool of which i believe has ben done too many times already, being hurt again if i let this feeling go on. is it just becuz im feeling lonely at the moment i think on him? id just like to know the reason behind the thought of him and finally be done with it.
First loves will always be first loves and (unless they were creepy) you will always remember them, usually fondly. It's been 1 1/2 years now and while you have tried to move on, it isn't easy.
Work to learn how to be good with words and to be affectionate. These are two very important aspects of a good relationship. It would be difficult for a man to fall for a woman who can't share or show positive feelings toward him.
You talk about kissing a guy before your ex. Does this mean you don't kiss guys you go out with now? How do you expect to build a new relationship without giving some affection?
If you are so hooked on your ex, it may be time for you to seek out professional counselling where you can discuss your feelings at length.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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