We're back together and things still aren't right
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My lady and I have been together for 15 months now. Our relationship was great until October. I mistreated her a lot and took her for granted the first year of our relationship. She pointed out all my faults and it took me sometime to realize everything I did wrong and what made the relationship fall apart. Things got so bad that I went to visit my family for Thanksgiving and she wouldn't come with me. We broke up for that duration of time and she slept with someone else. I was willing to look past that and forgive her because we weren't together and she was honest enough to tell me the truth. In reality it eats at me everyday and I'm scared that she will do it again. I've been back home for a week now, she asked me to come back home to work things out and I agreed. She made me promises of giving me her all again, even asked me if I still wanted to marry her. But now that I'm here, after the first 3 days things fell apart again, we're back to fighting and arguing. Mostly we argue because she said things will be different when I came back home, but she's still distant, she doesn't tell me she loves me everyday anymore, she barely kisses me, she doesn't hug me often, and she doesn't really talk to me. She tells me its because she's gotten used to being by herself throughout the break up, but so have I, so why does it come naturally to me? I even asked her if she brought me back because she would be hurt to see me with someone else and she tells me no. I never used to help around the house, or clean, and now I do all of that, because she works all day. I used to say a lot of means things to her and thats stopped. So why is it now that I'm the person she's always wanted me to be, she still pushes me away? I know she's still holding on to hope and wants to work things out otherwise she'd ask me to leave, but why be distant instead of embracing me and showing me she really cares? There is so much more to the story and I wish I could write it all, but I don't want to write you all a novel. I just need some advice on what I should do, or how I should go about making her realize that her distance is going to make me leave.
You have made excellent steps towards improving your relationship and forgiving her.
She may be confused by your new behavior and wondering whether it will continue to be good. Give this time so she can be sure that you are for real.
You need to communicate to her, gently, and tell her that you need kisses and hugs and a more positive reaction from her. Let her know that you are hurting and she needs to help out. Sharing feelings is a good thing.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com