My Friend has Vanished
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Ive asked your advice before about my friend from college who ive been friends with now for about a year. She had a boyfriend most of this time up until about 2 months ago. I asked your advice and u told me to stick by her be her friend when she needs me, and start by asking her to go cinema just as friends. So about a month or so after we finished college i found out she wasnt with her boyfriend still so i phoned her and asked her out. She told me her mum wanted her to do revision and didnt want her goin out but we can catch a movie after the exams. So i waited until then, then i texted her to see how she is but she didnt reply, i emailed her she didnt reply i tried to phone her she hasnt answered the phone.
I even went round her house to see how she was because i hadnt heard or seen her in over a month. Her mum told me she was round her mates house. I asked her to let her know i went round to see if she was ok. Its been 2 months since i last saw her now and i really dont know what to do.
All my mates tell me i should just forget about her, but i cant because for a year we were good friends i went round her house after college and we spent loads of time together in college just me and her. She split up with her boyfriend about 4 times in that year and i was there for her and she went back to him. But she aint with him now because i heard he is with someone else. I thought that once she werent with him we would certainly be together people around college would ask if we were together, even our teachers would say little comments.
I really dont understand why shes just stopped speaking to me for No apparant reason. Ive texted her asking her to text back, ring, or email me and tell me whats up but she hasn't. The only reason i can think is because i asked her to go see a movie because thats the last time i spoke to her. But if that was the case why did she say we can go see a movie after the exams. Do you have any advice for me? I really am so confused as to why?
She is definitely treating you poorly, no matter WHAT else is going on in her head. You were there for her, you were her friend. And in return she just abandons you and doesn't even have the courtesy to call you back and tell you she's still alive? That's just incredibly poor manners no matter HOW she feels. It's very childish and immature.
I have no idea why she is acting this way. You were friends with her! You were someone she could rely on! And in return not only is she being 'standoffish', she is being completely ABSENT. I really feel you deserve at least to know what is going on and that she is OK, and why she is treating you like this.
On one hand, you don't want to start seeming like a stalker, harassing her at every turn. But on the other, for her to just avoid you like this is incredibly silly. Why can't she talk to you? Why can't she tell you what's on her mind? I would find some sort of simple gift for her - a single flower, a small bracelet or something. And I would go to her house one final time to try to talk to her. If she has mysteriously "vanished", leave it with a note that says something like "In remembrance of our long friendship". If she doesn't bother to call you after THAT, I say good riddance. Someone that callous certainly doesn't deserve someone as caring as you are!!
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com