Flirting with Guys other than your Boyfriend

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
If you have a steady boyfriend, is it OK to flirt with other guys? What if you flirt with your boyfriend's friends? Advice
Well, in general, flirting is always OK. It´s a way of showing another person you enjoy them. You can flirt with friends of your grandfather´s, telling them how handsome they look in their new shirts. You can flirt with coworkers, telling them they did an excellent job on a project. It´s a fun way to let someone else know they´re of value, which humans don´t get enough of in life :)

On the other hand, if you´re flirting to make your partner jealous, or if by over-flirting you cause others to make comments about your inappropriate behavior, neither of these are good things. If you´re at a wedding with your boyfriend and you hang all over the best man, this is going to cause huge embarassment for your boyfriend as everyone talks about it for months.

If you´re supposed to be spending time with your boyfriend at a party and instead spend the entire night flirting with someone else, he´d have a right to be upset. Your partner is always supposed to be the most important person to you, and visa versa. If you neglect him in favor of someone else, you´re not holding up your side of the relationship.

Sit down with him and talk about his concerns. Is he worried you´re leading on his friend? Maybe his friend is confused about why you´re paying attention to him. Is he worried you´re going to leave him for his friend? You´ll need to reassure him that you love only him, and find ways to build his trust.

Also, appreciate that when he´s with you and his friend, *he* wants to feel like the special one in your life. He doesn´t want to feel like you´d rather be with someone else ... think of how you´d feel if you were out with a pretty female friend of yours, and if your boyfriend spent all night flirting with her and ignoring you ...

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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