He's Going Out, Should I Worry?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I am 21 years old and I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months now. I consider our relationship to be going well and we talk about getting married in the future.
Latley he has been going out with his friends a lot and coming home late (2-4 in the morning). He lives around 45 minutes away from me and we see eachother mostly on weekends, so he has a seperate life that I have to deal with. Now I constantly worry about him hanging out late at parties especially when there are single girls around. I don't put myself in that situation and I feel like he shouldn't either because we are in a more serious relationship.
Should I say something and stand my ground or would that make me an overly protected girlfriend? Please give me some advice....
This is one of the built in difficulties of a long distance relationship. You'd of course want to be doing these things together. And if he lived with you and was going out until 4am while you sat home, that would be a bad thing. But to say that he has to become a hermit because you're not there isn't quite right either.
One of the keys in any relationship is trust. You can't assume that he will cheat if he's near a single woman. If you're going to assume that, then he can't go *anywhere* because single women might be around. He can't work with single women either, of course. You can see how this is a world view that isn't part of a strong relationship :)
Someone you are considering marrying is someone you trust fully. He has chosen you - even though there were other options. He will stay with you - even though there will always BE other options. It's a hard thing to wrap your mind around sometime, getting over that worry that "He'll meet someone prettier! He'll meet someone more fun!" But you know, if he was GOING to take off on you because of that, then you might as well throw the towel in now. Because there IS always someone prettier, someone funnier. That's what life is about. You choose each other because you are SPECIAL and unique in your own way. You don't just drop each other because a hunk or a model moves in next door. You have commitment and dedication to each other.
I would make sure you have fun things to do, that you enjoy, while he is enjoying himself. The more you get out yourself and enjoy your world, the more you will comfortable with him enjoying his. And then when you get together, you will be two happy people, who enjoy your lives, and who are even happier when you share them together.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com