what the___is it?
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
So there is this older man whom I've. been dating off and on for almost three years. We have tervelld together as freinds compainons, lover tec. he's even gone so far as to include my nephew on one of the trips. From the beginning he has boasted and "threw" money at me-- at his offering. He ws well aware of my situation ( divorced mother) and struggling artist-- this did not seem to be a problem...
Recently, I cam upon a very dire finacinal situation( trying to purchase a home/ start anew etc.)I asked him for assitance and he said that he's not " able to" which is bunk! He is veerry well off: million dollar home, child in private school, large development company as well as a consulting company that has been in extistence for over 25 years etc. He's even offered to take my child and I on not one but two vacations ( hawaii, barcelona)...
What the ___ is going on?
He just told me two weeks ago that he loved me as we've both professed over time.
He's willing to spend money on me but when I ask for what I specifially NEED to not drown (appx. 3000-5000$) he is basically saying " you're on your own."
He's given me fair sums before that I did not ask for and I asked him for this as a LOAN. His response: over the last couple of years I have given you gifted loans which I didn't expect back but you made no effort to pay back, and you have no means of which to pay this back if it were to be a loan..." My response to was: I don't understand, how can you be more than willing to take me where ever, pay for everything but when I ask you for a need you are reluctant? It seems athat you are willing to give me what you think I should need, but when I ask you specifically for something that I need, which I dont' do unless I NEED it, you get tight?,Is this a personal thing , do you think im after your money, because if so , then I would expect you to more without me having to ask."
He did aquiese to a fraction of the amount I needed and I am totally upset because he did not give me what I asked for(I know I sound selfish-it's self preservation really), with my understanding that is his money and he does with it what he pleases. But as I told him , " When youre' with me you become an object of curiosity/ desire to other women my age, when your by yourself, your just a lonely old man." It sounds harsh but he knows it's true--he's implied it to me early on in the relationship. I want to first pay him back for what he has done for me, go on holiday( and I am very grateful for, which he knows) and then tell him to take a long hike! My feelings are very hurt obviously, and I feel like my feelings have been taken advantage of! How does this sound to you ?
He is a "lonely old man" with lots of money. He must realize that and not want to be used by you. He enjoys treating you to vacations, but doesn't want to have a permanent financial arrangement. My guess is that the $3000-5000 you mentioned won't last you very long and you will need more money from him.
My advice is to get a job and save up the money yourself. It shouldn't take long and then you will be on your own two feet.
Taking a holiday with him and then telling him to take a hike would be a very bad thing to do to another person.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com