My Ex-wife's now bi, what's going on?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
i have been married for over two years and just recently my wife and i separated. i found that just recently that she is bisexual. when i met her she told me of so experiences she had but that they were like rape but now i find that they were half truths, i guess she didn't think i could handle that as she said i am a freak.
She still loves me and wants me to play the field while she does her thing? Her sister was a lesbian for 5 years and all of the sudden became straight.
i don't know what to think.
The key here is that she was lying to you about things which are pretty core to her being. That's sort of like marrying someone who is saying they are Christian, but then they announce 2 years later that "Oh, I'm really pagan - and have been all along" and start denouncing your beliefs.
As someone preparing to marry you, it was her RESPONSIBILITY to share with you what she was. If she felt you couldn't handle it, she should have broken it to you gently!! But a *husband* is someone you fully trust, fully believe in, fully share with. If you can't even trust someone with details of your past, how can you trust them to really be there for you in the present or future?
Sexuality isn't an either or situation. People aren't just "Straight!" or "Gay!". There are millions of shades of grey. It sounds like both your ex and her sister are happy moving from spot to spot. Some people are, some people want to stay firmly stuck in one location. Labels can be convenient, but they're not realistic. The sister enjoyed girls, now she enjoys guys. It's like enjoying peanut butter for several years and then enjoying roast beef. It's not really a change, it's just a different expression of what they are.
In any case, I really think things were very wrong in the relationship if she could lie to you about those things, and she can't just brush that off. If she isn't capable of being honest with you, then it is probably just as well that you got out this quickly. I know it's hard to think about in that way but give yourself some time now to get over the rebound and to sort yourself out. She can be a great friend to you, and always be an important part of your life. But, when you are ready to date again, I would look for someone who you can really trust and who really trusts you. That is the sort of person you can base a lifetime of love with.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com