Playing Games with a New Lover

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I have met an interesting guy I really like. Unfortunately our chemistry got the best of us on our 1st date and we slept together. I am 8 years older than him. He is 28 and I am 35. I have always played hard to get with most men. But, I do want for this guy to think I'm Ga-Ga over him. As it is, he knows he is a hottie. He has a bit of an attitude and I "do not" want to be another knotch under his belt so to speak.

After us sleeping together, I casually called him the next day but he did not respond which made me a little nervous/angry. So, I let a day go by without calling him and bam...he called, but I did not answer. Now, I feel that I have the upper hand....I am thinking of not answering his calls to make him sweat it out.

What do you think? I want him to chase me....not me chase him. Am I playing my cards right? I am too old to play games but why not. It makes life a bit more interesting.

Let me know what you think. Advice
There are lots of things that make life more interesting - a nice bottle of Champagne, a walk through the woods in the fall, a romp in the hay with someone you adore. But twisting someone's mind with prankish games isn't in the list. If you can delight in causing someone else concern, you're just asking for that same behavior in return. And if you build this into a habit, the relationship will always have an unsecure footing that can easily cause it to crumble.

I'm not saying that you should stride to his house and start reciting your entire life history. Part of the drawn out enjoyment of a relationship is getting to know each other slowly, to savor the things you learn and look forward to learning more. But playing hide and seek from each other on purpose isn't exactly a good way to get to know each other! He can easily think that you're too much work and find someone else that is around. Or he can think that you're a game-player and decide he'd rather date someone that is actually there when he wants to go out. And then you'd lose him for no good reason other than your hope to push his buttons.

The real chase isn't in answering or not answering the phone. The real fun is like a tango - it's talking to him and teasing him with subtle details of your life, it's going out with him and wearing interesting clothes that make him wonder about what's underneath. The real give-and-take of a relationship takes place when you two are together - not when you're watching the phone ring.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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