Best friends to lovers...to best friends to lovers, to best friends to lovers, to best friends...to what now?
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I've been best friends with my old boyfriend since seventh grade, and we've had lingering feelings since we were about 12! We had an amazing thing going on, just shy of a year and 10 months. I thought things were going great, I thought were getting closer.Then out of the blue one Monday after school when we usually hugged&kissed goodbye, that he still really cared about me, and my feelings meant the world to him and he didn't want them hurt, but he didn't think we could be together anymore and he still wanted to me good friends, that there was some flaw in our connection and he was really sorry. He was so sweet about it too. he held my hand and held me close and kissed my forehead and wouldn't stop apologizing while I cried. I didn't understand...I still don't know what went wrong. I had to go before I missed my bus home, and he promised me we could talk about it later. We've yet to.
Anyways, it was horrible timing. I was about to leave for my dream trip with my school to NYC in a few days. I knew i was going to miss him, but I never thought that he wouldn't be there as my boyfriend waiting at home for me. While I was there, I was so happy, I could just have fun with my friends. and even for one night, I forgot about him, and thought I was over him. I got back...and when I saw him, my heart completely stopped, and my high was gone. I was lying to myself saying I was over him. that something that should sucessfully take months would only take a few nights.
It was rather funny though. like a day or two after we broke up, we started talkign again, back to our best friends stage, laughing and cackling away. As friends and as bf and gf we're really close.
Then odd things started happening. He started flirting with me again saying things he used to. Admitted that whenever we fooled around [yes we have been intimate, but not sex. we're just shy of 16], he felt bad because he thought he was taking advantage of the fact that I loved him...and I still don't exactly get it, but he said he felt like he was hurting me because sometimes and it made he feel guilty. God I wish he knew it didn't, that if I didn't want him to be doing things with me then I wouldn't be letting him. There was also a secret that was holding me back from letting us move farther, because as a child I went through a sexually abusive experience from a stranger. I wish i told him when we were together instead of making excuses like "that hurts". I told him and he seemed sort of speechless...but in the end he said he understood.
He claims he wants to be " "close" friends "/"friends with benefits/potential"/"more than friends" with me... but he wasn't sure about getting back together or anything. Kind of like a pre-dating/awkward "i sort of like you" stage. When we sit together with our friends, he sneaks in some flirty leg strokes...
One monday I got off the bus home, and he called me, saying that it would've been a perfect day for me to come over. I bused back to his house, and we had a great time hanging out, I played with his cats (who he knows i love dearly) and playing Halo and we just hung around joking and laughing like we used to, when we were and weren't together. Then he motioned for me to sit on my lap...things got a little intense. In short, we made out. We actually went pretty far... it got sort of intimate, but I told him I couldn't have sex with him just like this or anything. I'm still a virgin, and I wanted to save sex for something special. I thought it would be him I'd lose it to, and I'd like it to be because I trust him with every ounce of me, but I wasn't ready in a state where I was still hurting emotionally because of our break up.
Anyways after that we just hung around and kept playing with his pets, then I left with just a friendly goodbye.
I'm just so confused about him. somedays we're all best friends like we always were, others he has some secret hidden desire for me, and others I feel like a stranger to him that he pokes and smiles at.
Like at times he acts weird..like lately, he's been kind of clingy. making aay way across from his best guy friends on that side of our group to me, to start tlaking and cackling, and whenever people do weird things to him, like arm stroking or weird back rubbing he always demonstrates on me. We always end up drifting away from the group conversation, and eventually wandering off on our own. Sometimes he slaps my ass playfully, though I think that's just for kicks, haha. But other than that, sometimes he looks really intense. like I catch him smiling and glimpsing at me then shying away. Sometimes it's even to a point where it's creepy, he just looks at me intensely from however many metres away and I have no clue what to do with myself.
I don't know what to think anymore...I mean I'd love to have him back, I don't think we've ever been closer before, and I think we could use this new found energy towards our relationship.. I really end up missing him sometimes, even if we're tlaking directly to each other. But I'm not sure what he wants, it seems to change everyday. It's really driving me crazy...
We've broken up twice before, and I know our road hasn't been easy but like...I don'.t know, this time more than ever I feel in my heart we could work. I always have.
I'd just really appreciate some third party advice... I wish I could think like him for even a second to get a glimpse of how he feels.
Thank you so much!
My guess is that he is interested in having sex.
That could be his primary motivation and explain his moodiness
Have a talk with him on the subject and clear the air. This should help calm down his feelings.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com