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For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul. -- Judy Garland

love him a ton, know he's not right, scared to break up. HELP!!!

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
We've been dating 1yr, 3months.(we are 19 and 20yrs old.) We both still live at home(but I want to move out.)He's very smart and an extreamly hard worker and will be able to support me financially after college if needed.(i cant get my self to be much of a hard worker.) We talk about anything and everything. we only have small short arguments, no fights.

I have a history of a short year of drug abuse and a few years of depression. (He pulled me the rest of the way out of drugs and most of my depression after i completed treatment, which is when we started going out. I have had a very hard and complicated family life. I lived/live with moms adoptive parents and half sister, parents never married, (mom meth and alcohol addict for 15 years and she's gotten open heart suryery and hep c. because of it but now has quit), I've had HPV since i got it from a babysitter at 10months of age. I have a hard time finding and making friends, hard to be at home as my grandparents are always yelling at my younger sister(so im almost always at his(my boyfriends) house.) ..considering, i am still somewhat depressed about half the time. and I'm deffinetly not as outgoing.
(sorry for the background, i find it to be a lot of what makes me scared to leave him and hold my self up.)

I love him more than i have ever loved any guy and have been going out with him 1yr longer than any past guy. I'm pretty sure he love's me judging by how he talks and acts, but i don't think as much as I love him.

I think he may be the best guy for me(for keeping me out of drugs and depression and keeping me living a productive/normal life.) However, I feel i care or cater to his needs/wants more than he caters or cares about mine, partly in order not to loose him. But he is always there for me when I am down or need him as well as I am for him. However he also always puts him family before me, especially what his mom thinks about anything and he has to recieve her help or advice for almost everything and he does not want to grow up yet where as I do. (he want to experience college and party life since he's always been the good kid and hasn't gotten to experience it.) i wonder if this means the relationship just has a timing issue mostly?

So to recap, on the pros and cons of the relationship:
PROS. -He's a hard worker and financially secure, I'm not so much.
-Great communication. No fights.
-Considering my tough backround, he keeps me on my feet.
-Longest healthiest relationship.
-Takes care of me and helps me greatly with everything.
-He is an amazing guy.

CONS. -Not living together anytime soon as i want to.
-I probably love him and care more than he does.
-He puts his family and their opinion before me almost always.
-He wants to experience the college and party life.
-I think he may be able to do better than me.
-I would have a very hard time making new friends and staying out of drugs, depression, and a new relationship if we broke up.

Considering all this, I would like help with the following:
-Should I break up with him or not and WHY?
-If yes, how should i do it, and how in the world should i try to deal? (i already see a counselor, but i need more opinion)


RomanceClass.com Advice
First, pay attention to your counselor! It's ok to write into an internet site just to vent and get another opinion, but stick with the person who knows you better.

As to breaking up, why? You love him and he loves you; sometime you will move in together; his family will probably always be a strong influence on him and you may just have to accept it; let him experience college life and try to do it with him as much as possible; everyone can always do better... just deal with it; you would be miserable without him.

So, go with the flow and be patient. My feeling is that it is going to work out...keep seeing your counselor though.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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