confusion about best friendship to relationship

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I browsed through some of your advice but I couldn't seem to find a situation or question that was close enough to mine to really help.

Well, to make a long story short, one of my very best friends is a guy. We talk all the time, and I hang out with him probably more than with my girlfriends. We've been best friends for about 6 years, and have always told each other everything. He's always saying how I'm the only person he can talk to about certain things, and we both know deep secrets about each other that nobody else knows.

Now, I've always been unsure of my feelings for him. When I was in a relationship with my long term ex (4 years), I would sometimes think about my best friend in a crush-type way. The funny thing is, I actually met him through my ex. Well, when my ex and I broke up things started to happen with my best friend. We both confessed feelings, and were physically intimate, however, I broke it off quickly because I felt I was rebounding and didn't want to hurt him (it was only a couple months after my breakup and I was pretty heartbroken at the time).

We remained the best of friends, and now about a year and a half later, I feel like I have fallen in love with him. I know I love him tremendously, and a few weeks ago we kissed and made out, but then I told him I was afraid because we were so close and I didn't want to ruin the friendship.

The thing is, I always seem unsure about it. I actually think about him a lot, and feel like I want to be with him, only there's one problem: the chemistry. When we make out I just don't feel the chemistry, and I think that's important. So I keep saying that I just want to be friends, but I also don't feel content with just being friends.

So I suppose my question is, is chemistry really important? Can it be worked on? Or am I feeling these things just because we're so close and I'm so comfortable around him?

Thank you!! Advice
Yes, chemistry is important.

Whether it can be developed remains to be seen. You have spent so much time with him as a friend that you probably have inhibitions about reacting to him physically. It's certainly worth the effort to try to work on it.

Deliberately do romantic things together... take a nice vacation where you could both relax.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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