Closure to an old love
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
This is just kind of wierd, but my ex of 6 years ago is almost family. My younger sister dated his older brother and 6 years later they're still together w/ 2 kid's...my nieces & my ex's nieces. Obviously, I can't help but run into him on birthdays and holidays...here's where it's real tuff...my ex & I broke up & he dated someone else. Then he wanted me back and, by then my trust for him was next to none. I questioned his motives everyday & I kind of jerked him around. We were still not over eachother (& apparently he wasn't over his new ex)because she showed up at his house while we were hanging out. She was drunk & on to him when he would'nt answer her calls. So we all had it out & we asked him which one of us he loved, & he answered, "both of you". I said, "screw u!" to him & told her she can have him. That was the last time we (my ex) & I exchanged words 6 years ago. The other girl stayed w/him & she got pregnant, so they stayed together, but not before him yapping to my sister that he wanted me back.6 years later,he still jumps threw hoops to avoid me. This Halloween my sister & I pulled into the driveway with the kids & he started to come over to her car until he saw me & then took off. It was really immature, in my opinion, but I digress. Bottom line...I'm happily married. He's unhappily married. Carma rocks! I just want to feel comfortable at family functions again. 6 years is a long time to feel uncomfortable. I would make the 1st step to make amends w/ him, but he always runs away too fast. Besides the fact that he's obviously an ass, can I ever get closure to crappy ending w/him? I would love some input on what he might be affraid of &/or how to seek closure.
Yes, he is afraid to talk to you. And the reason is probably that he thinks you still are mad at him.
Here's what to do: write him a nice note explaining to him that you aren't mad at him and you want to have a good relationship just for the sake of the niece's who will notice this strange behavior (they probably already have.)
This makes it plain and clear how you feel and how you want to deal with it.
After he reads the note, he will probably agree with you. Then the next time you see him he won't approach you but he also won't run away. When he is within calling distance say to him "Hi" plus his name, how are you doing?
Hopefully he will answer nicely and you can get rid of the awkwardness. You might have to do this two or three more times before he is used to it.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com