I'm cheating with my best friend's girlfriend
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
Me and my best friend have been friends for 9 Years, he has been going out with his Girlfriend for almost 3 years now, we have always been really close.
Recently they have been having problems and his girlfriend has been coming to me for support. I've always liked her alot and she just recently told me she has liked me too. My friend has never trusted me with her, and a few weeks ago we madeout and became VERY intimate. She told me she doesn't love him anymore and wants to break up, but she worried about ruining mine and my friends relationship, and messing up the relationship with our whole circle of friends.
I REALLY care about her soo much, and I know I would never treat her how my bestfriend does with all his screaming, fighting and threats. I'm so confused, I have no clue what to do.
Well first, you know of course this was a really bad idea to cheat with her. A relationship founded on cheating and lying has all strikes against it to begin with. If she was unhappy with her guy, she should have broken up with him, period. Then she could have decided what to do next, and it could have included you. But to show she's capable of cheating if things are bad isn't a good thing. Sure, this time it was with you and that seems fine to you. But if she couldn't work things out with him, and then if you guys are together and you have some difficulties, is she going to run to yet another person instead of trying to work it out with you?
Anyway, this sort of thing does happen. The classic Clapton song "Layla" is all about Eric Clapton, who was a great friend of George Harrison (of Beatles fame). George wasn't treating his girlfriend very well and she went to Clapton to cry on his shoulder. And they ended up in love. It didn't last.
In any case, for this to have any chance of working, you have to get it straightened out quickly. The girl has to cut this off cleanly and say that she's unhappy. Which she is. She needs to end it with the guy and then you AND she have to give it some time. Part of why these cheating situations rarely work is that the girl is looking to "get away from my boyfriend" and not necessarily to "be WITH this other guy". Also,the whole thought of you is now wrapped up in the thought of her being a cheater which is a not so good thought.
So give the situation time to cool down. Give yourselves time to be friends, to get comfortable with the new situation. When a few weeks have passed, you can start doing things together and getting closer. But you really need to give it time to build up slowly, to build up the connection in a normal fashion. If you just leap into things, or leave them messy, it will damage the whole foundation of your relationship.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com