I'm very shy, what to do?
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
I'm 36 years old. I have had very few reltionships in my life. I have always been very shy and insecure. I've never really been part of the crowd. The only time I've gone on dates or had a relationship, it's beacuse the girl made the first move.
Now at 36, everyone in my small circle of friends are married or in a relationship so I don't get out that much anymore. When I do get out, if I see a girl I like I will do nothing becuase I don't know how to approach her and I just assume my approach would be unwelcome anyways.
I've been told I look younger than my age. Although I think I am unattactive, I've had one friend (who is a female) tell me I'm not unattractive, my problem is I don't know how to carry myself.
Being alone when I was in my twenties didn't bother me much becuase all my friends were single too and I was never alone. I always had someone to hang with and the made me forget about my lonliness and insecurities. But now I am alone most the time and I fear I have missed out. I fear I will never meet anyone and will grow old all alone. At times I get a little depressed about it, but I try to keep my head up and someday something will fall into place for me.
I am moderately successful. I have a good job. Although I don't make a ton of money, I own my own home and other than my mortgage and a small credit card balance, I have no debts. I've had a few older ladies I work with question how a guy like me can not have a wife or a girlfriend.
So basically my question is what do I do? How does a single, shy, insecure guy my age meet people when his opporunities to go out are minimal? How do I approach someone I like? Or what are the signs someone may be interested in me and wants me to ask them out?
Sorry for the long description here. Any advise would be helpful. Thanks!
I will give you some advice.
First thing is to see a counselor. You definitely should not let the way you feel continue or, as you worry, you may always be alone. Call tomorrow and get an appointment.
Next thing is to get a membership in a health club and work out. Your body will become attractive to women and your self-esteem will build along with your muscles. You can meet attractive women there... that's where a lot of eligible women hang out.
Get out into the community and mix with people. You won't get better if you don't try. Call your local recreation department or Y and find some co-ed activities like volleyball. Remember some women find older men attractive so don't ignore women in their twenties.
Make yourself the best YOU that you can be. Pay attention to your dress, grooming and hygiene; keep mentally fit by reading and/or watching the news; be emotionally open...smile, laugh, joke, be trustworthy. Women will appreciate these characteristics and others.
Go to bars and show off your new self. Ask someone out to dinner.
Remember there are 100s of women out there who feel the same as you and would love to meet you. They may be as shy as you are so you can't wait for them to make the first move.
Big thing, though, is to see the counselor !!
Good luck. George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com