She was caught and finally told the truth - can I trust her?

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Hi, My question is similar but different. I have been dating my girlfriend for about 8 months. I thought things were going well but they were not. She went on vacation for a week to visit her relatives. During this week she cheated on me. She cheat on me with 2 different guys and mutiple times on different days.

When she returns from her vacation i have a strong feeling that she has cheated. I asked her several times if she cheated and she said no. 3 weeks later her sister emails me telling me she cheated on me with a couple of guys? So i finally ask her again and told her someone told me she was cheating. 4 weeks later she decides to tell me that she cheated on me during her vacation. She said it didn't mean anything and it was a spur of the moment thing. I asked why did she do it mutiple times on different days if it was spur of the moment? She had no answer. I asked her if she thought of me any while she was sleeping with these guys and she said yes. She said she told them to get off her. I believe she is not telling the truth because that wouldn't happen like that over several days.

She told me she loves me and is very sorry. She also wants to work through this and said it will never happen again. I want to believe her and work things out and am not sure. She lied to me for a few weeks. Does she really want to work it out? Is she really sorry? What is your opinion about the situitation? I am really confused. Advice
If she had been out drinking one evening and got swept up in the 'mood of the moment', and cheated, and then came home and told you sadly of her mistake, that might be one thing. But first she goes around cheating a bunch of times - not with one but with two different guys. Then she repeatedly lies about this to you and only finally tells you after being caught at it red-handed.

I really find it hard to believe that she is now completely a different person, that a person who cheats multiple times with 2 guys while away from you will now be faithful and true ... and that a person who actively lies about it until caught will suddenly become completely honest. It's more likely that she'll just be better next time about not being caught, and be sure to lie to cover her tracks better.

If she is really and truly serious about changing her ways, then suggest you two go to couples therapy together. I don't think she will just "change" - but if she starts having someone help her understand how important this is, and HELPING her to change, she might actually make progress.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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