Where to go from here?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
This is quite a complex story but i met a guy last christmas, we both liked each other, nothing but one date happened, as his best friend liked me, who he lived with, and he felt guilty about this. We continued to be friends, and there was always an underlying current of tension there. His friend and him argued and as a result he moved out, but we were only just friends by this point. I watched him get back with his ex girlfriend, and when that went wrong the first person he came to was me. We fooled around for awhile but one night i told him i loved him. He eventually met a girl from the internet and they are now going out, things continued sexually between us for the first month. We had an almighty row one night when i exploded and felt like i couldnt be used like this anymore. After a few months of not speaking and livin in the same street and knowing the same people, i moved on and got with someone myself. One day we bumped into each other and he told me how he had been awful to me and how he had been completely wrong, had wanted to make things right but didnt know how. He knew about this new guy. We became good friends again, and he hangs out here nearly every night. When we were alone the tension was the same as it always had been, but soon after my boyfriend and i broke up as he was cheating on me. My friend came round straight away with another of our friends, they brought some comedy dvds and drinks to cheer me up, and he cuddled me all night (in front of our friend) which has never happened before. He held my hand, and kissed my head. two days later i was still down and crying, he told me that he had alway felt something for me and always probably would, how he found me attractive and i have everything he would want in someone, but he has a girlfriend. he told be he couldnt be without my friendhsip and how much i mean to him, one thing led to another and we slept with each other. Everything went back to being friends once more and nothing was spoken about that night. Although he did go tell my ex boyfriend what had happened (i dont understand why)and another mutual friend, when before it was almost like he never wanted anyone to know. Last night however, in conversation he told me he just sees me as his friend, he has no other feelings for me and doesnt ever think about the way i feel for him. he says this is all i ever will be to him, and he also told my friend not to tell me but he is engaged to this internet girl and has been for months, and that he wants to tell me himself, although he thinks they will break up soon as they seem to do nothing but argue. he tells me the opposite that everything is going well and they are happy together! but to everyone else he says different.
He knocked my door just before i wrote this and i brushed him off and didnt even let him in. I dont really know where to go from here. Whether he does want me as more than that or whether he does only see me as a friend. How to be around him or how i should get over him if it is never going to be anything more?
He has pretty much made it clear that you won't be more than a friend.
Once you accept this, it will be easier for you to let him go. While it is not easy, you should avoid seeing him and that will help you forget him.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com