I'm jealous of my boyfriend's ex-wife
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
My boyfriend is divorced and has a son (3 years) with his ex wife. We live together & have a great relationship. His ex lives about 5 miles away. His relationship with his son (he lives with mom) is outstanding. He calls him everyday at five, and has visitation rights every other Thursday and the opposite weekends.
My problem is not with him or the son, it is the relationship that his ex wife and he have. They, have after some tough times remained friends. Something that I should be happy about for the sake of their son, but I can't help but feel jealous when she calls and they talk for a long time. I have talked to him about things that bother me ... I feel she wants her cake and eat it too. She lives with her boyfriend, but seems to want both relationships.
Does this make sense? Her and I get along fine. I just feel jealous. My boyfriend is a very frank person who tells it like it is, and he has told me that what was, was and will not be again.
How can I teach myself that this is all in my head, that there is nothing to be jealous about and get on with growing the relationship? Would it be inappropriate to question her on how she sees their relationship and how she feels about him, me and us?
On one hand it's natural to start out a bit jealous of your boyfriend's ex wife. They had something special together, were married, had a child and a family. That is something you want with the guy yourself.
But on the other hand, to expect them to be distant or angry with each other is quite unreasonable! It is always best if people remain best friends after a breakup, since that is what they were before! It doesn't mean your boyfriend is going back to her. If you're going to start doubting him with any female friend he has, you're in for a long, sad relationship. You have to trust that YOU are the woman in his life, that he will have other female friends but that he has chosen you to be his partner. You can't assume that he'll abandon you for other females.
I have a guide on overcoming jealousy -
I would really work on this issue. Jealousy can easily destroy even wonderful relationships because they keep gnawing at you over time. You need to get this under control so you accept their relationship as a normal thing. Who knows, as you four all grow and learn, you might actually all become great friends! That happens quite a bit. Or maybe over time you'll drift apart and just see each other occasionally. But the key is that you love your boyfriend, are secure in that love and accept his female friends - whatever their background - as an important and non-threatening part of your life.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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