Can I trust him again?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been with my partner for just over 3 years. The first 2 years were great, I was very happy and I trusted him completely. I knew that in the past he had been a womaniser, so during our first year I started to get curious and hassled him about his past until he admitted he'd had sex with 30 women! (some of them in other relationships or even married). He convinced me that he had changed because the last one had hurt him badly by cheating on him, he'd had had a taste of his own medicine, so I left it.
Then, 2 years into our relationship I found some emails he had sent to a female "friend". They were filled with compliments to her and he said he wanted to leave me for her. Several times he met up with her for drinks, lying to me about where he was. I confronted him and he denied everything until I actually showed him the emails and he had no way out. We worked things out and stayed together. Since then I have come across several more emails and texts to other girls, mostly compliments and plans to meet up, one of them an email to a male friend about how he wanted to have sex with woman who liked him,but he couldn't because she was seeing someone and he was stuck with me.
I can't bring myself to leave him because I still love him. I don't have any proof that he has actually slept with another woman since we've been together, if I had the proof I would leave him. He always says he is very sorry and he loves me, and finds it hard to change from his past, but it is all been just harmless flirting. He recently asked me to marry him, in an effort to control my jealousy by proving that he really loves me. I said yes, but I don't trust him at all.
I want to work things out and trust him so I don't have to be jealous anymore and stop checking his messages. Is it possible to trust him again, or is it pointless?
Hold the wedding!
He has shown every sign of cheating on you except you haven't found him in bed with a woman yet. He slept with 30 women before you and probably is used to variety.
Sure you love him, but you should probably leave him and save yourself the grief of breaking up later.
The only other thing I could suggest is that the two of you go for counseling and work with a professional to get to the bottom of this problem.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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