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Love feels no burden, regards not labors, strives toward more than it attains, argues not of impossibility, since it believes that it may and can do all things.--Thomas Kempis

She wanted to be free

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I recently split with my girlfriend of two years, whom i met in the first year of uni. We've always been totally honest with each other about everything, and trust has never been a problem. My girlfriend has had serious doubts about whether she wants to be in a relationship at this stage of her life, and feels as though shes missing out on uni. We're both 22, but the main difference is that she has been in a few serious relationships before, where as i havent. She feels like shes lost track of who she is and what she wants out of life.

She gets down about various things, lack of money etc but generally feels like shes losing out from being in a relationship at uni.

She says that she loves me and always will, its just she cant be with me now. Its not like we were making plans to settle down or anything, but I guess she's scared of feeling settled.

We split up for about 4 months, but we were still sleeping together, a year ago. We got back together because we missed each other. Right now I'm not sure of the best way to deal with things. I want her back, but above everything else I want her to be happy.

RomanceClass.com Advice
On one hand, I understand her wanting to be settled with herself before having you in her life too. On the other hand, a relationship is at its very core a best friendship. It sounds like you guys were very much best friends and able to talk. You were there for her, to talk and listen. That's exactly what someone NEEDS when they are working out what they want out of life, a good friend to bounce ideas off of.

It sounds like things were good with you guys, but not like perhaps she's dreamed it should be. When people are really happy, they don't abandon that to 'keep the options open'. If you have your soulmate and true love, you don't put them on the shelf to see what else might come along. Maybe she was expecting the true love bliss to last forever and when it didn't and settled down into a regular, mature love, she wanted to see if she felt that way again with someone else. Maybe she likes the possibility that she COULD find someone else, that soulmate, out in her world instead of feeling like she "already decided and am now stuck with that decision".

I would really talk with her some more about this. It's not like she can't ever talk to any other guys. She can have other guys as friends! So if she ran across another neat guy, she could have him in her life. But there must be something about your *partnership* that just didn't seem right to her, that she's thinking might be out there still waiting for her in the world.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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