do i need more patience?
Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
I met this wonderful man aobut two months ago ina store, he immediatly asked me out or dinner and I delcined, kicking my slef as I walked to my car. I called my sister ans said" I just turned dwon dinner withmy future husband, why didn't I go forit...?" After brief converstion Isaid " well, ifit's suppoesed tohappen I'll see him agan." Days went by ( 10) we run into eachother again in a completly different store(we don't live inthe same town) After happy chatting a the fireworks I agreed o dinner. I saw it as a sing.
After two nights of dating, I called him back a fter recieving his message he'd arrived home, but when i claled him his phone was temporarily disconected I freaked. thinking something terrible happend to my future boyfriend.
I said to the universe "If it's meant to be he'll show up at my door, call something" Right.
Out of the boue tow days after saying that ther he is. Stars flew, music played, birds were chirping etc. very romantic all happening at 9 pm. We both vowed to not lose touch. He said he had lost his phone and did not have my number remebered and even tried to call my lan line which I only use for the computer. I was giddy for days.
we make date plans and I hear nothig from him at the time we wre to meet. NO big deal. things happen. this happened the next night and I left him a "direct" message a.bout respect form time etc. I thought he got it.
In his defense, I must say he works very hard, works for him self as do I so I know what it means " if I don't work I don't eat." That bing said, we talked about patience (him) and respect for others time(me)
Last night he was to pick me up from work I called to remind him in the mornig abut informed him I would not be calling him back I wanted to make him responsible for his time and mine--without nagging. I'm done with work and see nor hear nothing from him. I call him and ask where he is he states "... so and so, I just finished this job and my back is kikking me. ( when I met him his arm was in a sling from a motorcycle accident, and what he does for a living is very physically demanding) was I supposed to pick you up? I'm sorry I'm on my way, I'll be there in 30- 35 minutes." saind never mind I did not want to wait that long. He says to take a taxi and he will reimburse me for the fare.
I ride home balling and disappointed. I call him and leave a message, not heated, or angry, dissapointed. Becasue I am. What a person says to me means everything. Coming off of a bitter divorce, I have not opened myself up to any one and I feel thta when I finally do, it's still not without... I don't know I just wnat to be able to trust what he says. And I feel that ( as I've told him)we make time for whom and waht we want ot make time for)Him telling me he loves me from day one was a bit much but I actually felt the same way but did not want to express it. My response to those are "you have to show it"
My questions are , am I not patient enough? Am I sacrificing my needs? Should I give him opportunity number 4/5 to dissapoint again? I really do love him but I have to keep my eyes open. I do see myself with him. I love the fact that he works I just want some alotted time for us--one day a week where both of our busy schedule stop and we can breath with each other-at least for now since it is still farily early on in the friendship. Too much to ask?
How often do you think a man like this will come into your life... and you are not getting any younger.
He obviously has a problem with time management... a lot of people do. Then there are those of us who are very strict about time and consider it a personal insult when someone is late.
My advice is to make a date for six but not expect him until seven. Start picking him up most of the time. Keep giving him input about respecting your time and let him know that it may come between you in a serious way.
Tell him the idea of setting aside one day a week just for you two. Make plans to drive to another city to hang out and have dinner in someplace new.
Or get tickets to a concert. You are going to have to take charge if this is going to work. You'll just have to accept it. You can't change him at his age.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com