Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
hello im 18 and i just graduated high school i have a girlfriend whom i have been with since i was in 7th grade we also have a child and hes a year and a half old ok like any other couple out there who has a kid at our age we are poor and our parents arent rich well we want to move out and start our own life thats where the big problem is and where our big disagreement is she wants to live in kentucky with her parents and start our life there well my problem with that is like i said her family is not the richest family if we were to do it here way we would probably end up living in a double wide or trailer living off wic and food stamps and medicade you know all that poor people government funding stuff i dont want to start out like that or live like that period now my way is alot different and in my eyes the best for our relationship i have thought about joining the navy for sometime well i finally went to a navy recruiter to get the details and heres my way and why i think its better the navy will pay for all my college bills 100% and since im going to be a docter thats really good for me they will also pay for my house/apartment bill and give me 500 dollars a month with that for food not only that they will also pay for my dental and medical needs 100% and here is the very good part for my family once i get married to my girlfriend all those benefits that i get the paying for college the house etc her and my son will get also that means me her and our son will get full medical and dental paid for no matter what our house/apartment will be paid for that means we live for free and our food is free how could you not want that right? well she doesnt want to do that now she has always been the stuborn type and hard headed she wants to do it the hard way living off food stamps etc and working our butts off to pay for what we could have in the navy for FREE!!! im think off our future me her and our son would be set we wouldnt be poor but not rich either but could work our way up from there well she is threatning me saying stuff like i dont want to do that and if you go ill leave you/break up with you you know just threatning me up and down now i mean i love here to death but i have a goal in life and that is to be a good docter and make enough money to not be dirt poor and live comfortably and be able to retire at the age of 35 to 40 years old with 20 years of military service in that i dont know what to do should i give up on my goal to be with her and my son cause thats the only option shes giving me or should i just end it now with her and move on and pursue my goal its so hard because i love her so much and i cant imagine life without her i just feel like shes not being fare i wanna be with her and only her and i love my son to death what should i do i just wish there was a way to pursue my goal and be with her at the same time and if there is a way i sure dont see it please help sorry its so long lol thanks alot i appreciate your time
Your approach seems the more desirable to me with two concerns.
One is that you would spend a lot of time away from your family at sea. This puts a lot of pressure on your relationship with her and she may find it unacceptable.
The other is that your desire to retire early seems incompatible with your goal to be a doctor. I really doubt that the Navy would pay for you to become a doctor and also does it make sense to become a doctor at retirement from the Navy. You should be 100% sure of what you are getting into before risking or giving up your dream of a family.
Putting aside the doctor idea, going into the Navy seems reasonable so long as you and she can put up with long absences. You can point out to her that she can live near her family while you are in the Navy except if you get posted to a land assignment for awhile.
Ask your recruiter for written info on their college program which should be one or more booklets with details about how many years would they support, what is NOT included, etc.
Also ask the recruiter for detailed information about what medical facilities your wife would have access to. In other words, would she have to drive long distances to a military hospital or could she use a local one.
Get as much info about how much money you would be getting for base pay, uniform, housing, etc. This goes up as your rank increases, but find out where it starts.
All of these answers may convince your GF that she would be able to live most of the time at home, with occasional times when you might live together for a year or more at a time.
I'm not sure you are aware of how expensive it is to become a doctor and how long it takes. Unless the Navy pays for everything, you can't afford it without huge loans which would take years to pay back.
Present your GF with an accurate and realistic proposal of how this would all
pan out and she may be more willing to consider it.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com