After 3 months my boyfriend fled

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Hi, I am 15 years old and I know thats very young, but I need some help. My boyfriend and I just broke up less than a week ago. We were going steady for about 3 months, but the last three or four weeks of our relationship weren't very good and it was my fault.

At the begining we had a perfect relationship we had everyhting any teenager would ever want. We loved eachother we were always together and we always talked about everything. Then I started to feel stress and I don't really know about what but I just stopped talking and he always begged me to talk to him because he knew something was on my mind, I always told him nothing was on my mind but that I loved him. As time when on I started to think about everything and realized I was making a big mistake and that I really did care about him and needed to get things back in order but by then it was to late he dumped me and told me he would never give me another chance again and that he doesn't give second chances. He said all it would have taken was for me to call him and we wouldn't be were we are at.

But all I ever do is return his calls I told him I don't call guys at the beginning of our relationship and he was fine with that. At one point in the relationship when things had started to go poorly that was at the time that I was questioning my feelings for him, because he seemed immature and everything like that for being 17 but I had so much stuff going on at the time and after thinking about it I realized that everyone has faults and I got over it and was ready to start a real relationship and put things back the way they were when we had first gotten together.

We had always told eachother we would talk to eachother about everything no matter and work through everything. He was talking to my best friend who was trying to help and he thanked her but told her there was nothing anyone could do but that this hurt him too and that he just couldn't date anyone he could not trust. but I never did anything to break the trust I never cheated on him I just kind of backed off a little and it was to late when I finally had cleared my mind, when him and I broke up I spent an hour and a half on the phone with him trying to convince him that he was making the wrong decision. And he said that he still loved me and that him and I couldn't even be friends because it would be to hard for him.

I know it isn't over another girl or anything like that I know it was my fault and it was because I wasn't talking to him about what was bothering me but I didn't know what to say to him, because I figured if I told him at the time I was questioning my feelings he would tell me it was over, but then I realized that I did love him, it was to late, and I explained all that to him, but it didn't make a difference he said there was nothing I could do to change his mind it was over. But he still loves me and if he still loves me I don't understand how he can just let it be over. I want him back more than anything in the world and I think he is afraid that if he gave it another chance that the same thing would happen over again even though I told him I wouldn't let it.

I need help, Please tell me what I can do, I still love him with all my heart, and I know he loves me and I can't just let it go and let things be over. PLease help me and tell me what I can do to try and make him reconsider and atleast just try things over slowly just by spending time together going for walks and talks on the phone. I want to start over with him slowly and really get to know eachother. I don't know what to do I need some help, I can't let it just end when I know he still loves me and I love him... Advice
OK first off it is NOT YOUR FAULT. A relationship is a two way street. It involves active commitment and work, patience and understanding from both partners. The first 3 months are always the 'romance period' and then real life settles in. That is why things always seem rosy at first and then seem more "work". That's because a real relationship IS work and involves effort. The real question in a relationship is if you can make it work even when it's not easy any more.

So you guys got to that point and you BOTH got stressed. You reacted by not talking as much. That's pretty normal. He reacted by completely running away and blaming you!!! That is not normal. What, he couldn't work with you on this? His only solution was to say "Well, I see a glitch, I'm taking off"?

If anyone has violated a trust here it is him. He's the one that violated the commitment and ran off. All you did is have problems talking to him which is one of the most normal couple problems in the world.

It sounds like he was afraid of really trusting you and having that commitment last, and as soon as he saw an "easy out" he took it. I would really sit down with him and talk about how relationships will ALWAYS have ups and downs and the point of a relationship is to stay together through them. That YOU will have to learn to trust HIM since he's the one that ran off, but that you are willing to make a try at it.

-- from Jenn
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