My Ex's behavior

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
Dear Advisor:

My ex-boyfirend of almost 3 years broke up with me. Atthe the time stated he reasons were because he "didn't love me like used" and " I love you, but I am not in love with you". " I am not happy", etc. After the break up, any following meetings due to property exchanges or clearing up financial issues, he was very callous and appeared to be angry and not happy at all. (He ignored my initial attempts to clear up his financial debt to me and when I met him, he begged me to leave the stuff at this home, but then followed me in his car to intercept me and threw his belongings into the dumpster after I returned them to him!!)

Almost a month to the day, my ex boyfriend leaves an anguished message for stating that he has been thinking and wanted to tell me the reasons for his decision or whathe was feeling: That he wasn't happy with himself, not me. that he didn't know who he was and needed time to find himself and he is still searching for himself and that he was sorry "if" he hurt me.

My question is why after a month, is he now calling saying those things? I spent that month going through emotional hell, sinking into a deep depression and going on anti-depressants for the first time in my 31 years, because the breakup was very sudden. I think if he wanted a clean break, he would leave me be.

Please help me understand this kind of behavior.


jkm Advice
Sounds like he wants you to wait for him to find himself. He also wanted to apologize for breaking up.

Maybe he isn't aware of how deeply you were affected by his actions.

My advice is to proceed on the assumption that you and he have permanently broken up.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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