She's Avoiding Me

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I dated a girl this past winter and spring. she kept telling me how great I was and how I made things so easy. I really liked her too. Well, suddenly she broke up with me. she told me that she needed time to be alone because before we started to date, she was with someone for years and they were to get married and it bothered her the date was coming up.

So I sulked for a while and I sent her flowers right after but no getting back to her. So I said I'll give her the summer to think about things. Summer ended and I decided to send her favorite teddy bear, Pooky, because that was her nickname I gave her. I also sent her a love letter too explaining how I still feel.

A month later I get an e mail by her explaining the whole situation. Yes, what she said was true needing time but something bothered her the last time we were together. She said she was suspicious of me when she asked about driving by my house where I lived with my Mom but I was just shy about it. She thought I was living with someone and the reason we dated only on certain days led her to believe it but it was really work. She said that she would keep her Pooky bear because it was very sweet and she really liked it even though her friends said to give it back.

I also asked her to call me but nothing yet. So now I really am going to try to get her back. I plan on sending her flowers to work for Halloween with a Halloween theme to it and if I can find a service to do this, want to place a billboard-mobile one if possible-at her exit off the highway telling her I love her. What should I do? Is this a good idea? Thanks, Dan Advice
Well first, she apparently cares for her but you've been acting VERY suspiciously. The question is, why? This was your girlfriend. A girlfriend is someone you are completely honest with, that you trust, that she can trust you, that you don't have secrets from. Why would you hide your home and your mom from her? Why would she be developing these concerns about when and where you were willing to meet her?

It sounds like you were only trying to let her into part of your life. You were hiding parts of your life from her, and she knew it, and she was upset about it.

So be honest with her. Don't do something public, that's not the point!! She doesn't doubt you care. She doubts you've been HONEST which is far more important. So address that issue.

Invite her to dinner at a restaurant where it's quiet enough to talk and private enough to feel comfortable. Maybe somewhere with high backed bench seats. In any case, be VERY HONEST with her. Admit why you were hiding things. Admit why you felt uncomfortable. Agree to let her come to your house, to meet your mom, everything.

Either you let this woman FULLY into your life and trust her, or you work on finding someone else you can trust. Every relationship is based on trust and honesty, and if you can't be that with this woman, you need to let her go so she can find someone who is willing to be.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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Be Honest
Talk Frankly
move on to a woman, not a girl
Be honest and open

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